I Feel so paranoid, why is everyone acting all weird around me??? everyone cept for renee and danille are treating me differtley, what did i do? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO? whenever im asked how i am, and i answer excellent, no one believes me or if i say not ok everyone starts asking me all these questions? i feel like theres this huge funny inside joke goin on and it just goes over my head*whoosh* "now old friends are acting strange, they shake thier heads tehy say i've changed'"...whats going on? oh god please someone tell me, im worried about brandi, i think somethings wrong and sonja and lynsdie and renee too, im scared alright???im not afraid of alot of things ok? im really not, but this whole situastion is scaring the fuck outta me, why do i feel like the bad guy huh? WHY AM I TO BLAME? WHY AM I ALWAYS TO BLAME???????you are all plotting againist arent you? you all really hate me dont you???just tell me teh truth...why do you all hate me??whats happening??? im sorry for what i am im sorry im so sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry please dont hate me everyone, i cant stand being alone anymore, my head hurts and i feel like i have no human contact, please dont hate me, i dont deserve to be hated do i?...maybe i do....
i feel like crying, havent cried in a while....oh please i know im a pathetic freak that everyone secretly dislikes but please dont leave me, i cant take being left again,i know im a horrible person but please dont leave me, i dont have anyone else, everyone is whitby has given up on me, even they left me, if i lose you guys i have nothing left, im sorry i dont talk about what bothers me to yuo brndi and renee, i just dont want to burden you and then have you hate me, see now im crying, in fourth grade i had no friends, and every nite i prayed toi god (this was before my beliefs were robbed from me) to let him give me a friend, i didnt care who, just a human being who didnt call me names. thats all i ever wanted, i dont like to be called names, they make me cry, im bawling rite now, in fifth grade i finally got a real friend, then she betrayed me, and got the popular people to follow me home, and they stood about 5 feet behind me and threw rocks at me all teh way the home, no one remembered my 13th birthday, and no boy has ever told me im pretty. i dont know why i just wrote that im just in pain and i dont know waht to do, cause none of my friends are home and even if they are, they couldnt help me, ya know sometimes all i need is a hug, and sometimes that jsut too much to ask...but whatever im gonna go now, please dont hate me, please dont leave me, i know im horrible and stupid and ugly and wrong but its hard for me to make friends and sometimes i get really lonely,just please dont leave em, i can only take so much rejection.
all i ever wanted was to be loved and to be considered someone's best friend. was that too much to ask? look no one take this seroiusly ok? im fine im just upset...just im fine ok? fine fien fine fien finefine fienfinefine