fuck it all
fuck everything. fuck it. I dont fucking care anymore. Why wont everything just stop. just freeze. fuck this. why am I so fucked up? why arent my meds working? why is my hair falling out? why the hell do I keep fucking up? why dont I know what i want? why cant i just be fucking happy? why is my life controlled by fucking pills. 2 in the morning, 1 in the after noon, 3 1/2 at night. yellow, white, purple. im so sick of it. why cant i just be normal. why cant i disapear. why cant I fake it to believe it? why is it the fucking holidays?!? everything gets worse at the fucking holifays. why am I a coldhearted bitch? why do i suddenly start crying? why am I crying now?~!? why dont I ever know? why cant I just stick to one goddamn thing. why do i put myself through half the crap I do? why cant I keep my act together? just as I start getting things undercontrol and I think im starting to get better. after I worked so goddamn hard to be happy. why am I not?!? its not like I dont try. why cant I sleep all day? or hide in my room. I just want to avoid everything. I want to stay in my room. I hate getting up in the morning. every fucking morning its the same shit. I lay there trying to come up with some reason why I dont have to go to school. Why do I not care about anything. Why am I so confused? why do i do half the shit i do. why cant i be sure of anything. why dont i have my own goddamn friends, apart from everyone else. why do i even bother? why am I writing this. who really gives a fucking crap. why do I consently embarass myself. why dont i stick with anything. why do i keep losing interest in stuff. why cant I just be normal. have more than one group of friends, go to parties, go to school, do homework, have sleepovers, have a best friend who i hang out with all the time, have friends who call me wanting to do stuff, not me constently harassing them. why cant I be good at just one goddamn thing. why cant I be happy with what I have. why cant I go to sleep now. why am i complaning. why cant i be happy with what I have, huh? why the fuck not?!? why cant I just be a normal teenager, and be carefree all the time, and not worry about a thousand different things? why am i such a bitch to people.
2 Comments:
alot of people feel like that, i know i have/and still do sometimes, in my experiance i found that stopping drugs helped alot, because drugs do alot of stuff to people that aren't good, even weed, it makes people depressed. once i stopped drugs i found everything to be alot better, sure they were fun an i miss the times of just sitting back and smokin a big joint, but theres better things in life then that, ever think of what life was like before drugs, i can't remember a time or being bord or walking around in the stupid cold for no reason. drugs are a hard habbit to get out of even if it's just weed but give it about a month of not smokeing any or even being around it and you'll realize how stupid it is and how stupid it makes people look. here's something to try, next time your with your friends and they wanna smoke blow out on the joint or just not toke at all "pretend you are high" an see how the other people are acting and what fools they are making of them selves, trust me you'd be surprised
yours truly
Mr. Anonymous
Well not to disagree with the first comment but I am not entirely sure that Mr. Anonymous completely understood the original post because the focus was not on the drugs, but anyway. I think "Fuck it all" would make a nice poem, to me it looks like a splatter of paint on a canvas. Words have the power of freedom and putting words on display helps to leave all your problems where ever the display is.
Happiness is what happens when you stop to look around and realize the beauty in everything around you.
Cheers to your beautiful poem,
Edison
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