well today is the big 1-6. i hate it how birthdays are so over rated... specially 16. idont get it so u can get ur g1. buh i dunno im sorry renee by the way how i kinda freaked out on you. its just one of those days. id really hope i wouldnt cry on my birthday but oh well... i kno im over reacting. sometimes i cry and there doesnt seem to be a reason behind it. so yeah i was all mad cuz i try to get a hold of ppl and stuff and i was gonna wait for ppl to call me but whatever and then i never got called back really. so i guess i was upset cuz of that(hopefully it made sense). i think its jus all part of the greiving still. hence the emotiall roller coaster and combined with ahuge headache. i dunno y im like this. but thanx to all how cared to wish em a happy birthday. andi read the blog mike and its cool if ya wanna call me K-car.
hopefully im going out tonite. i need to get my mind distracted off my negative thoughts and to go thinking positive ones. its hard tho. its a weird quirk in human nature. how we kno were upset and we dont like the feeling but are reluctant to do anything to change it. its weird how everything is. its still very dreamlike to me. and how its weird that feelings change so quickly. i walked downstairs this morning and felt relatively happy ( i had a pretty good day yesturday as well as evening at brandis) although i did have a headache and a swollen lip(i have no clue how it happened neway its not so bad now) but u kno stuff was ok. the day gradually progressed and having no distractions it makes it easy to go back to self pity. i really need to get out of this rut. the show must go on some one told me. but its hard all the same. man if only some1 was here so i could just take out all my frustation in good ol tackling style. but neway hopefully after eating cake and such maybe ill feel better. and watch 16 candles!! haha its all about bad 16th birthdays. neway time for me to jet

ps i dont really like cake... cept for ice cream cake... and thats just ice cream in the shape of a cake with cookie crumbs.... mmmm cookie crumbs... if neone is coming to whatever tonite bring me sugar so i can get all hyper again that makes me feel more myself( i think). last nite i was, neway im rambling and i already said bye so i guess ill actually leave now

peace