damn msn not working....there are so many people that i just want to tell to fuck off right now......just to tell them that i'm through with all their crap..and they can shove it up they're asses..because im done with them..but as well all know i probably to most likely wont ever tell them that...but man i would like to...i'm listening to the weakerthans...apperently im ugly...and sadly i give a fuck...i finished the game board, and im not satisfied. but im not a perfectionnest...old habits really do die hard..i'm trying to to fall into my old habits and its really hard..stand still.....let time freeze, but not here...i only read 2 other blogs anymore..charlys and cyncoras...i'll glance at mathewsons...and mike fiumes....i hate school. i hate being in the halls, i hate having to see people i dont want too. i hate how busy it is. i hate getting up early. i hate going to bed early. i dont know what i should do with my hands when i talk to you. how you dont know where to look, so you look at my hands....i hate change...i hate moving...i hate having to make new friends...and yet i can do nothing to prevent change. i like some change, but not all....oh well ...i like the show friends but i hardly ever watch it...im being hounded to get off the compt, but the typing motion is too soothing...damn being upset...i hate crying because in my house, its something that you hide...adn unfortuatly i cant do that in my house because everyone follows me around. and if i put on "sad" music then everyone wants to know whats wrong...i wish i could fly away from it all. just to jump and float...if only... i would be happy...just me and the birds...sadly i've tried to fly, and its never worked...i have conversations with myself in my head...i plan everything out...the chances are if i'm telling you something important then i've rehershed it in my head. its odd, but its sort of my way of procting myself....it helps me sort through my spinning thoughts...i havent done any drugs in about a month 1/2....i dont want to be congratulated....i miss having my swing set in my back yard, because thats the closest that i'll come to being able to fly...thats what i do, i pretend to fly.....shut my eyes, and just let it all go, suddenly nothing matters. not the insults, not the heartache, not my problems, not other peoples problems, not schoolwork, not death. nothing...nothing matters, and i love it...its freedom....if i could fly, i would be happy...but who wouldnt be? well besides those who are afraid of heights, but even then.....i dunno...i need some freedom. i need to get away from everything. get away from this world. get away from everything....forget everything....because at somepoint everything hurts......but i need to get away from it all.....and im gone