damn having blood work done

It appears that my ear is having sympathy pains. yes thats right. my left ear is hurting in the same spot that my conch is situated on my right ear. Damn having sympathic ears!!!

ah, another night, another post.
so I went and saw Big Fish with Lance tonight. It was an interesting movie, I will say that much. It was very much so like something Kevin Smith said " When you see a movie, you can tell right away who directed it, without even seeing the credits." well something to that extent. It was so obviously a Tim Burton movie. Just some of the creatures that pop up literally out of nowhere, are dead give aways. It was really weird, we didn't completely ever know what the hell was happening. and they literally said the whole point of the movie at least 2 or 3 times at the end of the movie, by different characters. it kinda made it lose anything it ever had.
but anyway, why is it that apparently, according to my stat counter, I get tons of hits daily, but no one but kim leaves any sort of comments?!?
oh well, not that I'm really writing for you. well I am in a way, because if I were just writing for me, then there would be alot more emotions and crazyness and shit. so its only semi for the both of us.
AH! i wish that that stupid boy would e-mail me back, or call me. but of course none of you know who the hell im talking about. and since its compeltely irrelivant, i';ll leave it that way. but seriously. it would be awseome if he came online. cause its fun talking to him....anyway...back to another topic....
yes, im leaving now....

RENEE IS IN NEED OF A SERIOUS PARTY!!!
perferably tonight
e-mail me if you want to, or know of one

I was at Jeff's house on saturday night, and I was on MSN talking to my sister Tammy. Jeff has a webcam so I put that on so my sister could see me, since she lives in BC and hasn't seen any recent pics of me.
So, my nefew Joey walks up to the computer, points at the screen and asks tammy who I am, (since he could see me on the cam)
Tammy says ' that's your aunt'
so Joey replies ' that's your aunt'
Tammy laughs and says ' no, She's my sister.'
he looks at her, he obviously doesn't believe her, turns and walks away.
haahha, gotta love him.
but i guess he doesn't understand, because my niece, his sister who is younger than him, lives with him.
and ive never met them. jhaha
but they are sxo cute! I love them, they are so adorable!

After running frantically around the school, trying not to wet my pants, it was brought to my attention that our school has a shortage of toliet paper....now there may be several reasons for this.
A) the janitors ran out of streamers and decieded to us TP to decorate their secret after school partys with.
B) the janitors have some sort of grugde against the female students. And have decided to take their revenge on us by cleaning the toliets, but not refilling the toliet paper in any of the stalls, in all the bathrooms on the main floor.
I didn't make it up the stairs to check on the avaibility of TP on the second floor, as I didn't want to embarass myself by peeing on the stairs.
C) A class in the basement tried to make a pool, and when it failed they tried to clean it up with TP.

Now at first you may all be thinking, 'pfft, clearly it was only today', but let me clear up any doubts. When I was in the washroom yesterday, there was no TP in any of the stalls!! this isn't just a one day thing here!@!!
I demand the right to pee at school and not have to bring my own toliet paper! I could have sworn that our parents pay taxes so that we can have toliet paper and soap in our washrooms!
this is a disgrace!!

men suck, love sucks....yes I'm only saying this because i've been dumped...so yes, your in for a treat *note the scarasim..*
Theres alot about the dumping process that completely bloggles me. One of them being the whole deliervience of the potentily upsetting news.
It almost always starts off with the line ...' I've been doing some thinking...' or some version of this. that right there ladies and gentlemen is when the flashing lights and alarms should start going off. now at this point in the conversation, you may want to consider telling the other person that 'you think that things just aren't working out,' so that
a) you escape being the dumpee, so at least you can lead yourself into thinking that at least your not the pathetic one who got your ass dumped.
and b) it will quite possibly leave the other person feeling confused, and potentially upset. Athough this sounds like the utimatle strategy, there can be down falls with it as well.
A) you may feel (hope) that it may be something else that they were thinking about...like where to put their new poster...and so you patentially listen to what they say, as confused and hurt tears fall down your cheeks. This is what happens to yuppies. I ladies and gentlemen, am a Yupie.
Or B) the other person gets off scot-free, and doesn't feel anything but relief...
Being the yuppie that I am, I listened while I found that other common sentences were being used (other than, and...ah...ok...bye...)
one being
"I still want to be friends" -- What the fuck does that mean?!? Come on.... you just broke my heart and you expect me to what?, invite you out to shoot some hoops?!? Comeon, every body knows that once you've dated someone, most of the time you don't remain friends, well at least you don't have the same friendship as any normal friends do...
-or-
it can mean, hey, I still want to fuck you every now and then, but the only way for that to work is to remain 'friends'.
And the golden one
' I still love you, and I still want to date you...' -- now really people, what in the name of chips does that mean?!?! You still love me, and want to date me, but screw around with other people?!?! You want to date me but not be in a relationship?!?!
--or--
are you trying to make it sound less like your dumping my ass?!?

Now I know that it seems like I'm a complete bitch for writting this post, it may also strick you, that I'm making fun.
Well A) you should know by now that I AM a complete bitch
and B) I'd rather laugh than cry.

Scene 1

Billy: Was that me? I don’t understand. How did this happen to me?

Sandy: I think its better off dead. I’m not kiddin ya. I’m serious.

Billy: I had a pretty normal life. Sure, I was a little different but nothing like that. I came from a normal family in a good neighborhood , good parents.

Sandy: It don’t hurt babies to be dead they go straight up to heaven, no hell, no purgatory, No nothing, no problems cause their souls are still white as snow. Not like the rest of you. oh no, if a baby dies he’s just fine, don’t even know he’s dead. They aint had time in this world to get them black and ugly.

Billy: I worked as an usher at the movie theater then I used to be an average guy. I even had a good girlfriend. My life was so good then. Me and Brenda moved in together. If you missed our house warming you missed out cause it rocked. It was fun. We had been there in that house coupla years before we had any problems

Sandy: I wish I was that baby. You’se should have seen him lying there in a casket. He looked fine. And they had a big wreath of flowers around his neck so’s to hide the strangle. They had them little pajama’s on him, Trese got up at the S and R. The ones with all them dogs chasings cats all over, all yellow.

Billy: It wasn’t Brenda’s fault. She’s great. It was just....I don’t know. I started to change. I didn’t mean to, I just felt useless. I was a 25 year old usher at a movie theater, I made 9.75 an hour. I could barely pay for the place. Every one was telling me I need to get a real job, start a career. Make some real money and have a real life. It didn’t bother me at all first. I was still happy and I think Brenda was too. Brenda’s a musician, she plugs guitar in coffee shops and at the mall. She’s great. This one time she sang in this coffee shop where one of my paintings was hanging up. That was when I first met her. It was so cool. Her. Me.. Us...


Scene 2

Brenda: Another scotch and soda.

Billy: Hey. I’m Billy, or Bill or William.

Brenda: How do you like this dress, sexy isn’t it? By the way my name is Brenda. So Billy was it? What do you do?

Billy: I work as an usher at the movie theater down the way. Been there a coupla years. What about you?

Brenda: Me, I sing. But, I’m so sick of this business. This won’t get you no where. I mean look at me, I bust my ass for years and welfares after me and all these girls who haven’t got a clue singing crap that died with Peter, Paul and Mary , or should have, and here I am, they didn’t know what to do with me, I was too hot for them.

Billy: Yeahm but whatever. I’m thinking of something different. Maybe a video store.

Brenda: I know. It’s all so demeaning and I’m so horny , Christ.

Billy: Oh go on

Brenda: Well first I was seeing this guy and man I really blew it with him, Rick. I told him I wanted to have a baby, and he spilt. But I mean What kind of a father would he have been? All he ever wanted to do was drink and go from bar to bar, so there I am following him around all night and dragging him into a yellow cab at 3 am, just so I can get him home and into the sack with me, sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth the effort you know,. And that stupid cat of his, driving me banana’s jumping on me

Billy: I’m not going to fall for anyone.

Brenda:Oh...Talk about hang-ups, why do I always pick such loosers? What was his name, Hank, that’s right. There’s another weirdo for you. He gets into voodoo and starts thinking that I’m some witch or some crazy shit like that, I don’t need it, and his wife still in love with him after he beat her all the time, God.

Billy: Really?! Never. It is the truth?

Brenda: Sure, believe what you like.

Billy: I see.

Brenda: Where’s the bartender anyway? She got her dink caught in a cocktail shaker or
what?!
Hey!

Bartender: (on the phone) Hello Dear...I met an old friend downtown this afternoon. A girlfriend..Shopping...There was a sale on children’s clothing...Carol Forrest, Sherebrooke West..I’d like to go for dinner..She invited me...no don’t bother picking me up...can’t I go out with an old friend?! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was shouting... She’s at ballet, I’ll call a cab...There’s jello for dessert... no, there’s nothing wrong...please give the kids some cough medicine before they go to bed...My break’s over now, I have to go...see you later...bye now...Henry, Henry? *sighs* (hangs up phone) Hey there, What can I get for you?

Brenda: Scotch and soda another round.

Billy: Beer, thanks.

Brenda: So now welfare’s pissed off at me cause I went to Jamaica with Hank. So this social worker wasn’t to happy with me after I went but screw her, what does she care, she’s got a job.

Billy: And what?

Brenda: And here I am auditioning for assholes like that, sitting there like he’s God almighty, what a pain. Men. I’d like to puke on the fat slob’s face. Who does he think he is? The bum.

Billy: Whaddya expect?

Brenda: I should’ve sang one of the new songs I’ve been working on, if any of them were finished. I can’t seem to finish anything lately.

Billy: Who needs it. It’s all self indulgent bullshit anyway.

Brenda: You know, maybe I should go down to the states. When I went down there last time, people there, artists anyway seemed like they had their shit together more, like they don’t screw around and waste time.

Billy: Okay

Brenda: Here, everybody’s so busy trying to act like an artist, being so prentious and precious and over-intellectualizing everything to death. It makes me sick

Billy: I better go.

Brenda: Go, yeah, I know what your saying. I’d rather collect welfare, or get a grant, take the money and run, go somewhere like Jamaica or Tahiti....*sighs*


scene 3

Billy: Usually at this point of the dream the dancing dwarf comes out

Sandy: Jeez. I don’t know what’s going on inside the girl but it aint what goes on inside the rest of thems.

Billy: Is that why your here?

Sandy: They hardly looked sweet. They just took me. I lost my baby’s life and my mind within a week.

Billy: Who took the baby’s life?

Sandy: Him. The Devil. The man I married. Don’t ask me why. He looks like the fucking wrath of God. He’s a pig too. (pause) My poor baby. All dressed up.

Billy: Was it a nice funeral?

Sandy: It was very nice. We all lined up to take a look at him – first time he got so much attention in his life – nobody broke up or anything. Not even my mother.

Billy: I couldn’t imagine what that would be like. If I ever lost my own offspring I would... I don’t know what I would do.

Sandy: After the funeral I striped everything that looked like death. All I saw was darkness. I don’t blame Tress for committing me though. I still feel for her.

Billy: Why? She put you in here.

Sandy: I would probably be dead without but I’m not kidding ya. It don’t bug her at all that the kid is gone.

aaahhhhhhhhhh
i just got back from toronto....I got a new piercing!!! bwahahahhahha
its my conch...its on my ear....yeas,,, ,i very much so like it....and i dragged (litterally) charly , jackie and lance with me
our train was also delayed an hour....blah....
anyway, must do homework....

Scene 1

Billy: Was that me? I don’t understand. How did this happen to me?
Sandy: I think its better off dead. I’m not kiddin ya. Im serious.
Billy:I had a pretty normal life. Sure, I was a little different but nothing like that. I came from a normal family in a good neigbhood , good parents.
Sandy: It don’t hurt babies to be dead they go straight up to heaven, no hell, no purgatory, No nothing, no problems cause thier souls are still white as snow. Not like threst of u. oh no, if a baby dies hes just fine, son’t even know hes dead. They aint had time in this world to get them black and ugly.
Billy: I worked as an usher at the movie theater then I used to be an average guy. I even had a good girlfriend. My life was so good thyen. Me and brenda oved in together. If you missed our house warming you missed out cause it rocked. It was fun. We had been there in that house coupla years before we hadany problems
sandy: I wish i was that baby. You’se should have seen him lying there in a casket. He loooked fine. And they had a big weath of flowers around his neck so’s to hide the strangle. They had them little pyjamaas on him, trese got up at the S and R. The ones with all them dogs chasins cats all over , all yellow.
Billy: It wasn’t brendas fault. Shes great. It was just....I don’t know. I started to change. I didn’t mean to, i just felt useless. I was a 25 yearold usher at a movie theater, i made 9.75 an hour. I could barely pay for the place. Every one was telling me I need to get a real job, start a career.Make some real money and have a real life. It didn;t bother me at all first. I was still happy and i think brenda was too. Brenda’s a musician, she plugs guitar in coffee shops and at the mall. She’s great. This one time she sang in this coffee shop where one of my painitings was hanging up. That was when i first met her. It was so cool. Her. Me.. Us...


Scene 2

Brenda: Another scotch and soda.
Billy”: Hey. I’m Billy, or Bill or William.
Brenda: How do you like this dress, sexy isn’;t it? By the way my name is Brenda. So billy was it? What do you do?
Billy: I work as an usher at the movie theater down the way. Been there a coupla years. What about you?
Brenda: Me, I sing. But, I’m so sick of this business. This won’t get yoyu no where. I mean look at me, I bust my ass for years and welfares after me and all these girls who haven’t got a clue singing crap that died with Peter, Paul and Mary , or should have, and here I am, they didn’y know what to do with me, I was too hott for them.
Billy: Yeahm butr wahtever. I’m thinking of somthing different. Maybe a videeo store.
Brenda: I knwo. Its all so demeaning and I’m so horny Christ.
Billy: Oh go on
Brenda: Well first I was seeing this guym and man I really blew uit with him, Rick. I told him i wasnted to have a baby, and he spilt. But I mean What kind ofa fatyher would he have nbeen? All he ever wanted to do was drink and go from bar to bar, so there i am following him around all night and dragging him into a yellow cab at 3 am, just so I can get him home and into the sack with me, sometimes it just doesnt se3em worth the effort you know,.And that stupid cat of his, driving me banana’s jumping on m,e
Billy: Im not going to fall for anyone.
Brenda:Oh...Talk about hang-ups, wHy do I always [pick such loosers?What was his name, Hank, thats right. Theres another weirdo for you. He gets into voodoo and starts thinking that im some witch or some crazy shit like that, I don’t need it, and his wife still in love with him after he beat her all the time, God.
Billy: Really?! Never. It is the truth?
Brenda: Sure, believe what you like.
Billy: I see.
Brenda: Where’s the bartender anyway? He got his dink caught in a cocktail shaker or what?!
Hey!
Bartender: (on the phone) Hello Dear...I met an old friend downtown this afternoon. A girlfriend..Shopping...There was a sale on children’s clothing...Carol Forrest, Sherebrooke West..I’d like to go for dinner..She invited me...no don’t bother picking me up...can’t I go out with an old friend?! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was shouting... She’s at ballet, I’ll call a cab...There’s jello for dessert... no, there’s nothing wrong...please guive the kids some cough mediciene before they go to bed...My break’s over now, I have to go...see you later...bye now...Herny, Henry? *sighs* (hangs up phone) Hey there, What can I get for you?
Brenda: Scotch and soda another round.
Billy: Beer, thanks.
Brenda:So now welfare’s pissed off at me cause I went to Jamaica with Hank. So this social worker wasn’t to happy with me after I went but screw her, what does she care, she’s got a job.
Billy: And what?
Brenda: And here I am auditioning for assholes like that, sitting there like he’s God almighty, what a pain. Men. I’d like to puke on the fat slob’s face. Who does he think he is? The bum.
Billy: Whaddya expect?
Brenda:I should’ve sang one of the new songs I’ve been working on, if any of them were finished. I can’t seem to finish anything lately/
Billy: Who needs it. It’s all self indulgent bullshit anyway.
Brenda: You know, maybe I should go down to the states. When I went down there last time, people there, artists anyway seemed like they had their shit togethermore, like they don’t screw around and waste time.
Billy: Okay
Brenda: Here, everybody’s so busy trying to act like an artist, being so prentious and precious and over-intellectulizing everything to death. It makes me sick
Billy: I better go.
Brenda: Go, yeah, I know what your saying. I’d rather collect welfare, or get a grant, take the money and run, go somewhere like Jamaica or Tahiti....*sighs*

ahhhhh,

ohhh, second post today...what a badass....
so at the moment, joe is sitting behind me, jackie is telling a story (which is surprising), then Charly is sitting beside her, foollowed by Becky (whose basement we are sitting in) and on a folding chair behind her is Phil. The on the couch beside Becky is a couple who are rolling and making out at athe same time....And we're listening to Silver Chair...not any more....now distillers!!!!!
Apparently its funny that i payed for jen to get her nipple pierced, and the fact that I have mine done as well. But since I got it done at the beginning of last may, I know so many other girls who have theirs done. I don't iknow why its such a big deal. but they all laughed cause i said that i had mine done too. I dunnooo...
this chair leans back really far...
whoa
hahah
they're talking about throwing a formal dinner party..../
im talking to jen on msn,,,, its weird

i have a ribbon in my hair
lallalalallalalal
Jackie has a pin of the pope
hahahah a pin of th epope
SAY IT!!!!
apparent;y gay is a funny word....I've yet to see it.....
anyway....
theres a black moon tonight shinning down on the western neon lights

ahhh....a new afternoon....blah blah blah...
I saw "Tyler last night, and things seem to be ok...

I talked to a friend that I haven't talked to in a while, and as per usual, it was ... interesting... hahah
i dunno why, but im happy right now....damn mood swings...hahah
why do I write when I have nothing to say?

haha, This girl, Jenn, who has at least 10 different e-mail addy', and I've blocked most of them...came online and started freaking out on me because I blocked her other addresses...She made it so damn personal. I'm not even her friend, oh man. she was calling me a bitch and stuff. I don't see why she was o upset about it. calm the fuck down, why do you care if I talk to you or not?!? part of the reason was that she only wanted to know where dax is...why the fuck would I know?!? and second, was that she typed in lower and caps, BuT iT wAs SoMeThInG lIkE tHiS...which pisses me off, and too boot she did the whole slang rapper thiing, so I have no idea what the fuck she was saying half the time anyway...oh man....

WARNING ***** I'M GOING TO BITCH FOR A WHILE **** PROBABLY IN BEST INTEREST TO SKIP THIS POST*********

There you have been suficationly warned...

I offically hate this...
now you might be wondering what the hell happened between my last pot about an hour ago and this one... Well not much...talked to Tyler for about 5 minutes. may or may not see him, i dunno
I just so sick of this... who said this was easy? it fucking sucks. love sucks..simple.
I just either want to be with him or not be with him, none of this limbo crap....
why does everything have to be so complicated?!?
I just want to stop thinking about him.
I want to stop crying
I just want to be happy
nothing seems to work
my meds don't work, positive thinking doesn't work, sleeping all the fucking time doesn't work
hanging out with friends doesn't work, talking doesn't work, writing doesn't work, eating all the time doesn't work, new piercings don't work, nothing fucking works....
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I've done everything right, so what is missing?
I just don't get it.
its so fustrating

ah, the day after new years, where everyone is hung oevr as hell...well that is, all except for me....
So I went to a party at Joe's. twas fun. had some good convo's with people, and played on a trampoline.
on to other news that I'm quite sure you're all sick of hearing....tyler...
well we're dating again....not that I've seen him yet or really talked to him, but I talked to him a few times, so i can;t really complain....but he's so cute....heehee...anyway....
I don't really have anything much to say....not that I usually do anyway...wow look at me ramble...