heart flutter

Listening to the Beastie Boys. Definalty fits right now.
Have you ever had that feeling in that your chest just swells up, and your heart flutters or races? no, well then your missing out, cause its awesome. your just smiley. I like it when it happens. Sometimes it happens by good news, or when you get excited, or about a person. so yep, theres my blurb on heart fluttering.

anyway. ...
I realized that I really write better on the computer than on paper, it allows me to think. I dont know why, I just work better on computers. only when it comes to writing though. Thats the only way I can do my creative writting, except for poetry, thats done on paper.

A little while ago at work, me and Leanne were talking (a big shocker there, *scarastic tone*) and she helped me realized that I'm afraid of falling. Thats my big fear. Im not afraid of heights, Im fine up there, its just when it comes to getting down. I dont conciously think that im going to fall. But when I'm on a ride like a roller coster, or the zipper or whatever. I always think of my car detaching and being flung into the air. Everytime, without fail. It doesnt stop me from going on these rides, nor am I scared to go on these rides, but that thought always goes through my mind when im on it. And I've had that since I was a little girl. ....
Its not like my fear of clowns, or drive by shootings while im going up the stairs by the door, (which I've also had since i was a really little girl, and I have no idea where this one stems from. So I always ran up the stairs, and even now I go a little quickly, but theres a wall so its not too bad.)

anywhich way, I have been summoned, and so with that I bid thee g'night

weird things happen

alright well to start things off I would like to say that
a) Telling off an ex-boyfriend is the best feeling and no more guilt!! but I will touch on this later on.
b) Guys can be very pig headed and will change over night. so beware....
c) Lacking shame can be very humorous, but it leads you to having to do things for other who would otherwise chicken out.
d) I am AWESOME, but I know you already knew that.
e) being a lazy, partcial dexlexic, means you need a lot of white out.

alright, so now that im sumed up what I felt you all needed to know, I can now blabber to those who will continue to read on. alright, so im just gonna jump right into the whole telling off of the horrible ex. (damn I wish I had saved that convo, it would be even better for you to read it, than for me to retell it. as I forget some of my witty comments. and man was I on a roll!)

Ok so heres how it goes. (now usually I wouldnt name names, but he's an asshole, so what the hell.) alright so I had deleted Tyler from my list a long time ago. So on Thursday he IM's me. And heres more or less the conversation we had. Im leaving out a bit of the repeated crap, and the stuff I dont remember. And I will correct his grammer and spelling to my capability. (T= Tyler, R= me)

T: how come you dont talk to me no more?
R: cause your an asshole
T: why
R: cause you treated me like shit, lied and cheated on me.
T: ok, and when did I cheat on you?
R: I dont know dates but I know for a fact that you slept with *insert name*
T: I never slept with *insert name*
R: well thats not what she told my cousin.
T: well I never cheated on you.
R: bullshit, I know you cheated on me, and probably with your ex at that.
T: I never cheated on you with her.
R: Whatever. I know you did, so think what you fucking like.
T: why do you think I cheated on you?
R: call it womens intuition.
T: I never cheated on you.
R: bullshit. I should never have gone out with you. dax was right
T: right about what?
R: You. I should have listened to him, cause he told me that you were an asshole, and that you slept around. and he was fucking right. And your a fucking liar.
T: I never lied to you with anything big.
R: Fuck off. Lying is lying.
T: ok well your right and Im sorry about the past.
R: whatever, Its a little to fucking late for that now isnt it
R: oh and I noticed that you never touched upon the subject of treating me like shit.
T: well why didnt you say anything?
R: cause I was really messed up and confused at the time.
T: Well I always told you to talk to me so we could work things out.
(I dont remember what I said to this, but it involed some swearing and some witty comment)
R: You remind me of my father.
T: what? why?
R: because you are exactly like him. ( for any of you, I dont like my father at all)
T: whatever
T: do you think we could be friends?
R: what the fuck? do you know what you just asked?!? " yeah, ah I know that I lied and treated you like shit, but do you want to be friends anyway?" hmm, let me think about that. fuck no
(My response had something else in the impersonation, but I forget it.I really shoul dhave saved that convo.)
T: alright
R: Is there anything else?
T: huh?
R: is there anything else you want to say, or is the convo over ( I forget what was said after that, but it involved more swearing and ended in him blocking me. There was a lot more swearing in the real convo, but like I said this happened 2 days ago)

So basicly I got to tell him off, and now my guilty feelings are gone!!!
I got to tell him off, and tell him that he was an asshole to me, and that he is a fuckhole.
It make me feel better for getting to do that, so I feel some retrobution for dating him.

alright, well that was a lot longer than I thought it would be so I'll leave you with that and I'll post later.

what I shouldnt be doing

*** yeah, I pretty much said the exact same thing in my last post, I just forgot that I already wrote it.**


alright, so I should really be finishing my script for creative writing right now, but I'm not. I dont really have enough time to anyway. Ahh
weekend was good. Yesterday I got up at 10:30 to be at work at 12. But I wasnt sure if I was working or not, because I had orginally traded my sunday shift for a monday shift. But then I couldnt work the monday shift because of my back, so she worked it. So I showed up to work anyway, not knowing wether or not I would be working, and the other girl was there so I went over to lances house. Chilled with Bobby and group, watched donny darko. Very good movie I must say. Was good times all around.
Was on msn till 2 sunday night, talking to keith and becky. Watching pretty in pink with becky on thursday, and chilling with keith later on tonight. Gotta work, boo. hmm, tired.

I am tired

So, for right now, my hair doesnt look that bad. it goes from purple to dark pink to bright red. and I missed some of the roots in the back. everyone seems to like it though. so meh, not much I can do about it now anyways.
Good news! I actually know pretty much what I'm getting everyone for x-mas. I even know what I'm getting Lance. Next time that we're downtown Im taking him to get his eyebrow pierced. Volia! present done! I know what im getting charly, now finding it may be the problem, so I shall have to look soon. I'll just have to figure something out for the girls, and joe. not to shabby if I say so myself.
Anyway, tonight me, lance, joe, jesse, bobby, and hayley watched Donny Darko. A very awesome movie I must say. And you can watch it over and over again.
Bah! tired. possibilty of having to work tommorow. I had switched my sunday shift with amanda for her monday shift. but since my back was screwed, she had to go in. So now I dont know if she still wants my shift or not, so I have to show up there anyway, and if she comes then she can have it. If not, Ill be damn glad I showed up.
I hate not knowing who people are when they add me to msn. I want to know who you are, if I know you, and where you got my e-mail address. Basicly how am I connected to you. And I hate it when people dont have profiles. grrr.
I finally finished cleaning my room today. I miss my creative clutter. My mum made fun of my movie ticket collection. she got that pissed off look in her face when I told her that I have been saving my movie tickets since 1996, but meh. People collect stamps, how is this any worse?!? its better even, because Im not wasting my money on stamps that will never do a damn thing for me, but instead go to the movies for entertainment, and my collection just happens to collect from this habit.....but then again who's to say that spending money on movies isnt a waste of money. Its in the perspective of the beholder I suppose.
alright, well this post isnt really going anywhere tonight, even though as soon as I go to bed I'll lie there and think of a thousand things that I want to post about. although I never do....
my bed is calling me ....."come here renee, you want to go to sleep renee"......
yeah yeah, I know im crazy

Fucking ugly hair

yeah, so I decided that I would re dye my hair to its natural colour...purple. So I bleach it, go out, and come home to find that I have very little purple hair dye left. So I though, ok, well I have alot of redish pink left, so I'll do the roots purple, and everything else red. .. so everything is going good, until I run out of dye yet again. now im pissed. but fortunalty we always have more hair dye. we had this brighter red, that fades into orange, so I put that in....and then I run out. So now, i've gone through 3 jars of dye. We have one left. Its called 'coral red' , red my ass, its orange, but not just orange, safety cone orange. So the back of my hair is got to be the uglist hair ever!! so now in the back, its a transfusion of purple, red to be pink, brighter red to be orange, and bright orange. Now if that doesn't stir your soup then I don't know what will. But to say in the least I am NOT impressed. Oh and I couldnt find a hand mirror to see if I missed any spots in the back, so it was a hit and miss operation. Now I can only hope that when I wash this stuff out, and wake up tommorow that all will be good. Although I highly doubt it.... Oh and not to mention my face looks like a splater painting. its great.( note the scarasm) But I must say I LOVE avon clear skin astrigent. took most of it right off, but if I look a little rosy, shut up.
and so the message is.......
laugh at me and die!!!!! unless Im laughing too.....but you will still die!!!!!
oh yeah and uhhh check how much dye you have before you dye your hair I guess