when i blog i dont think about what im typing. i just let the thoughts from my head flow. its one of my forms of dealing with things. last night when i wrote the blog about not wanting to be around anyone, that was how i felt. i didnt want to be around anyone. this is like a diary. i shouldnt have to think about what i am writing in a diary. most things taht i write in here are just a form of dealing with what happens in my day. if i have a conversation with someone that is upsetting, then i will write about it, most likely not in a direct form. the blog last night was my feelings after having a conversation with someone. i dont nessacerly write down all of what i mean, beacuse the posting doesnt require me to do that....if i sound like im talking out of my ass, then thats great. i could care less, it works for my purposes.

Hey all!!
posting time is back now that renee is back on i will have to compete with her posts. Welll being sick sucks mucho...i know all too well...man im tempted to adress blogs but i want tp in not such a nice manner. I realize that everyones intitled to their opinion but im intitled and inclined to not agree... meh oh well.... maybe i will later

So yes topics at hand.. well i dont have many i should really think of these things before i type, type away. So school: yeah schools allright i mean sure id rather play outside but then if you did that all the time you wouldnt gain any knowledge and like eveything else, once it becomes routine, it gets boring, Well thats what happens for me. Careers is a funny class i mean sure quizzes are fun but i find the course confuses me more than anything ITs supposed to get rid of confusion!! All the quizzes i take dont really reflect me well at least not in more than one catagory. Oh well *sigh* i guess im too complex for them HAHA....moving on.... well english is all right i dont hate Obasan unlike vertually every other grade 10., I can appreciate her poetic writing . But as of M. Zimmerman I think shes an allright teacher just her voice can be monotone and she over analyses poetry.... I wonder what the poets would say about her analysis. History: class sucks course not awful...the war units are more interesting.... Art: i love the class i get so excited everytime we get a new assignment. Our masks are getting fired in the kilm mine better not explode. But were starting to do black and white portraits i love doing that.

Well thats it for school sorrry if i bored you with my whole paragraph. Well Since i havent seen you[renee] since we talked on fri i would really like to hear what you think. I said i was willing for you to prove me wrong but im waiting for that to happen idont wanna get my hoped up just to get them crushed. So i sound pessimistic, Im just saying this from experiences. you said somthing different in the note i recall in regarding drugs, Maybe im remembering wrong but you swore on our friendship that you were gonna stop (momentarily at least) only to do drugs the next day. You say that drugs dont have more importance that family school friends but i look rather on actions then to what people tell me. Based on your actions it doesnt seem like it... maybe im wrong but thats my impression. About the theory of having no pain if people were banned.... let me voice my opinion as well

If there was no one else hear you would get depressed because humans are social creatures and we NEED attention. You cant say that you dont like attention. If no one was there to interact with then life would be lonely and would seem meaningless. Having no fear with no people doesnt make sense. Sure people are gonna let you down after all they are only human. But one must ask themself that if they are tired of being let down or being lied too stop the cycle with yourself and dont do the things you complain about, Saying this i guess makes me a hypocrite but i try[to improve and to not do things i complain about not try to be a hypocrite]. If every one cared about the needs of everyone else then all the needs of people would be met, But for this to work everyone would have to commit to it. What can i say im an idealist. but if detaching yourself from the "source of the problem" is a way with dealing i guess thats your way, im not sure if its the most realistifc or practical way but yeah. Man i like being argumentative. I like dealing with problems head on
well thats my rant
g'day!

i need to figure out how to evenly distrubute things like links and such on here. help please *hint hint jeff, mike, charly*

well thats not what i would look like as an lego person, but hey now you can see what you would look like as one

heres what i would look like as an lego person, just click here

its scary how close it is eh? well i think i will make an apperence at school tommorow...

another poem for those who are interested

well well wel what to say. can't sleep, tired but i cant sleep...so bitter towards life....why do i bother talking to some? you dont need alot of friends in life, just a few good ones. and i wonder some times. why talk to people who piss you off? depress you? when things are going fine, when you are starting to become happy? to be alone would be ideal. but i cant, for some unknown reason, i cant be alone all the time. but it would be great, not to need anyone, just to be alone in the world. observe human nature. if only i could. but the schools make you interact. its impossible to be alone in this world. but there are ways, many ways in which i contemplate. drop out of school, and be alone in the world, but we all know that i wouldnt do that. just to be alone with my books. i dont want people in my life. i dont like people. because if it werent for people then there would be no fear, well no fear for me that is. and there would be no pain. people are the only cause of pain in this world. just to have the only way of communication through books. but other than that to be cut off from this world would be ideal. none of these problems in which we all face in our everyday life. what a life it could be. slowly cut off all human contact. to be truly free, no strings holding you anywhere. nothing...just maybe that's the life for me......
"Let's Ban Humans. They All Suck Anyway."

haha it worked!!

hello hello...damn being sick! so im not at school today! happy birthday sonja!
well the wedding was really fun. it was so beutiful. to see real love and the older couples who still care alot about eachother..i almost cried so many times, it was such a nice wedding. one of the flower girls thought that me and charly were engaged! haha, she wanted to be the flower girl at our wedding..we have it all planned out, charly's the wife, because when we were dancing i was always leading, and i have the husky voice right now...but yeah *sigh* good times....
christina: i did make an effort to stop, i had quit for a month and a half. but that doesnt mean anything for the present, and i know that. drugs dont have more im portance than friends, or school. i'm doing REALLY well in school right now. you are right, i am sorry that people are going to get mad at me. i am also sorry that i scared anyone, or anything. yes my sorry's and promises are losing credabilty. and im gald that you did confront me, i wish it was under better circumstances, but im glad that you did.and i'd love the chance to prove you wrong, but you have to give me that chance. and i will get back to you on what you said on friday, but give me sometime to think things over. i will get back to you though

"I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful."

ok i fixed it so ignore the last post.... i guess i didnt need to write that.... oh well. Its all about stating the obvious.

why doesnt our blog post in paragraphs... sorry about the super paragraph guys i know its harder to read but i tried!! i tried!!!!!

man last night i wrote a huge post and now all those posts were lost!! LOST!!! thats really anoying. Well Im finally on the computer again. Shooting pool last night was fun i didnt suck either wich was a pleasant surprise. Yeah renee i wanna hear the response to everything i said to you. Finally i let it all out. Renee and if you were really sorry about the whole flipping out with the "laced weed" then why when you say sorry you keep doing the same thing. If you were reallt sorry you would make an effort to stop or @ least get it under control... as far as i can see its not. Honestly, i think youre sorry because people were going to get mad at you but if you have to ask if your offending anyone you probably already are. So the sorrys and promises are loosing credabilty. Im willing to let you prove me wrong but you know that hasnt happened yet. Whenever im with you its always with the drugs... when drugs seem to have more importnace than skool friends etc then theres a problem. So now that that cats out of the bag.... i am going to be straight up with people more often...no behind the back stuff...
anyway i hope your birthday times were fun.As for the pool playing part it was tons of fun so *thumbs up*.


now that that is said...on to other things.... so today doing mass work cuz of my lack of attendence at school from being sick, theres soooo much. oh well im on my break now. so this friday we had the multicultural show and report cards. Well report cards are in good shape. Im getting like 97 in art!! wicked i love art. The multicultural show was better this year. Last year i sang and they almost didnt allow me because it wasnt cultural enough. Im sorry im white Im sorry that being white isnt cultural enough. Well I did end up singing so it was fine but i was displeased about the lack of ALL cultures being represented it was only like belly dancing, hip hop, calypso dance and middle east dance. This year they had stuff from Ireland and the orient which was better Tonys martial arts stuff kicked...no pun intended. But there were still too many of those indian dances... like 6. oh well


Ive decided to close with a funny story. Im ive told some of you already but i felt it should be added to the blog. So my grandma has just moved into my aunts house(dont worry the story is good keep reading). Why doesnt she live in her own condo thing you ask? well i shall tell you. A few days ago my grandma woke up to a rather big *thud* she assumed that maybe the balcony colapsed or just something fell over. Well she decided to investigate and proceeds to the living room, There in the middle of the floor is the VW bug that just crashed through the walls. Purely out of some cheesy sit com. I dont really know what the driver was doing but I am going to inquire about it. ITs puzzeling to think that someone wouldnt be able to avoid a house. Driving isnt that hard...its fun too,,,, but any who that is my story.

well bloggers being stupid, and isnt posting my posts.....and yeah...blah blah blah, i am no longer a rotten strawberry, i am now either a grape or an almost ripe plum. one or the other. well maybe this will work

well im back...im really happy right now, i dunno why. im not sure i want to know why. i dont like to think about it. but anyway, heres a bed time story. in auto today mr.k couldnt figure out how the soap dispenser came off, so i told him to give it to the next class as a project because i'm sure that some one in there will need to practise for they're future job. he laughed and told me that i couldnt guess how many that was true for. then i told him juts not charly. he ssaid , no he coulndnt figure it out. so i took some water and splashed him in the face, real good too. i was so shocked that i actually did. fortuneatly he just laughed. but i cant believe that i did that... ahh. thats one for the books.
charly gives the best advice! thank you a million times over! i dont know what i would do with out you!
oh yeah 2 blogs in one night im cool!!!
this week is a busy one for me. i'm taking my cousin bowling, today was alleys b-day, friday is my b-day, friday i also have 2 dr. appointments (no school, oh yeah!!!), friday is my dinner and such, saturday is the wedding, and sometime i have to dye my hair...im a busy bee...maybe i should do yellow and black stripes...haha that would be a sight...anyway, my sister wants on the computer so sweet dreams...
"You thought I was a little girl, you thought I was a little mouse, you thought you'd take me by surprise. Now I'm here burning down your house."
~blessings and moonlight~

no worries renee is back with her computer!!oh yeah!!!!!!!well what to say...in response to keith, i didnt used to like going to d'oc, but now i have fun. so i go. anyway...saturday i was hanging out with some friends...then on sunday me and kyle mann went to play pool at petrinas, then we met up with my friend. then me and kyle went back to my house and watched kids..its a great movie. very truthful....what else....ummm....well nothing on the bright side of life, so i will end the post here.

ohohh fuckkk...damn you blogger!!!i had this nice long blog and then you just had to go and fuck up on me didnt you!!!!! well anyway im not going to write that out again just because im on the computer at the libary and dont really have the time too. but a little recap of whats been happening in the life and times of renee...i've started to hang out at d'oc. i always have fun there. last night was very very fun. if you ever get the chance to roll down the hill behind future shop do it! its the most fucked up thing i have ever done. its nuts! and i had fun times looking at the stars, and playing on the swings. umm what else. im no longer working on those damn lawn mowers in auto. and yesterday we fixed kyles snow blower. last saturday i went to glow in the dark mini putt with stina. it was good times. what else?!? ummm....well i met my aunt who lives in new berunswick. roberta. shes great, and so pretty. shes the reason that im in french immersion. my mum always told me taht i looked like reberta. shes so cool. i really do like her. this wekk i spent alot of time over at my uncles house. and i had 6 kids hanging off of my at all times...gah..its hard to see my unckle. he's so frail and yellow...but on to happier topic's...its my b-day in 6 days!!!yeaaa!!and this week im going to dye my hair purple again..

wow our blog is dying!! with renee not posting cuz of her computer its made me alone... so very alone! its like brittany's dillema. Speaking of which, i had a very nice chat with her walking home from school. It was enjoyable... as was going to keiths house yesturday which is another story... so yes i have been thinking about this beauty articule again and it was going on about being bombarded with images of people who are extremely attractive, it ultimately leaves men single or dissastigfied(im talking more about beautiful women and mens desires just because of the point of view which the author was coming from) but i figure its not the fact that people are disstracted by these "perfect looking people", but its the motives for being in a relationship. Its completely selfish. Selfishness is the mentality that destroys many relationships and marriges. Instead of thinking what might be best for the other individuel involved or the unit, its always me me me. Love isn;t a feeling in you stomach or in your head, you choose to love somebody. The butterflies in your stomach is lust. Well i should get going on home work so i will leave my rant at that.
later!

ooooo more pictures to the blog.


Which Rock Chick Are You?



Which My Ruin song are you?

VIOLET You surround yourself with art and music and are constantly driven to express yourself. You often daydream. You prefer honesty in your relationships and belive strongly in your personal morals. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

hey hey
its been i while since ive posted... well have been busy like a bee!! good ol clichés. anyway finally the stress isnt so bad at school..but i know next year is gonna be even harder. oh well it will give the old noggin some excercise. well partys cancelled so im not sure what the plans are for this evening... i wanted to go to d'oc but its all wet and rainy. i dont like being wet. so yeah boston trip!! whoo hoooo!! i got my money in. some ppl think that the stuyff were doing will be boring... i siure dont think so. it will be awesome specially if a lot of people go. *hint hint* well im wanting to say something intelligent and interesting but nothing comes to mind. oh yeah i was reading this magazine 'psychology today' and there was this really interesting article on why this guy micheal levine hates beauty. it says "poets rave about beauty. brave men have started wars over beauty. women the world over strive for it. scholars devote their lives to deconstructing out impulse to obtain it. ordinary mortals erect temples to beauty. in jsut about every way imaginable, the world honors physical beauty. but i hate beauty." its facinating to really think about how much enphasis(sp?) is put on being physically attractive. Im usually self concious about my appearance... but what really drives us to being so obsessed and vain. Although there are people who dont really care about beauty the vast majority do. There was a stufy that the contrast effect operates powerfully in the sphere of person -to person attractiveness. Studies have shown that judments of attractiveness depend on the situation. For instance a women of average attractiveness walks into a room full of highly attractive people she will seem less attractive than she really is. This works in reverse if there is a room of unattractive women and the same women of average attractiveness walks in and will seem a lot more attractive than she really is. In other words context counts. well there were other interesting thnigs but i would rather not blog too much cuz then people will probably be less inclined to read it ifits extrememly long. YOU PEOPLE ARE LAZY!. just kidding. anyway i want to know what you think about the topic. I know renee will probably insert her opinion some time. Feel free to sign the guestbook.
later

hey school once again i hate typingon ths here...ohwelli got e-mail and such taken away from me at home...news...i've been worwell newsw in the life of renee....well i've been working my ass off with civics and history homework....my weekend was a succes. on friday night i went out with charly, then on saturday night i went to d'oc and hung out with ppl there. it was crazly fun. then on sunday home ruled over my day and night with no chance of escaping it.
tommorow after school im going on a hike at greenwood. whould be fun times in the woods. tommorow morning i have to be up at 6 am to be at centenary hospital at 8:15 for my physio...i'malways over there. usually 2 a week. oh well missing school ,most of the time right?!?
i'm hoping to go on the trip to boston, that would be really fun. seeing as i've never left Canada....oh well in due time in due time....damn stress!!!!im slowly going crazy.....

hey hey...im at school right now, im supposed to be doin my civics project right now...whats with the snow?!? i hate snow..oh well...so im not having the best day in the world..damn thesekey boards suck ss. oh well...im really havinga bad day....well im not going to get into etils.well not righytnow anyway...
"curosity killed the cat. but for a while, i was suspect"

hey yeah i havent ben on the computer in a few days.. darn work!! so today went to the library AGAIN man i have so much homework its not even cool.. but ill reserve panicking for later... im still good. well i watched the show CSI its awesome... i jumped so much in this episode... it had this stalker guy.. well any im not gonn go on... thats like the only show i watch on TC anymore. welll cuz i DO have lots of work and am tired im gonna leave my post@ this. I just felt like syaing HI(im aware of the obscene amount of typos... hence being tires) justso you guys no i didnt die here or something

hey one and all...my mum is so funny..alright so my mum was walking home from work and as she gets into the parkinglot she hears "hello" in a bird voice. so she looked around, no onewas anywhere near her. so as she gets closer to the lampost, and she heard it again...she thinks taht the seagul said hello to her..she truly believes that the seagull said hello to her twice...oh yeah and you people wonder where i get it from! man my older years sure will be fun..thinking taht things are talking to me...
anyway.i basically wanted to share my mums story, adn now i should be working on my civics project.

hey its 12:14am....i have nothing to do while i patiently wait for my anime to download...damn computer being slow...oh well. gah tomorrow i have a physiotherapy appointment..and i get to miss all afternoon because of it...
i have so many projects due! and by taht i mean 2. but shuddup..in auto i get to fix lawnmowers!!oh yeah im going to go far being a mechinic....can't you all see it now? well i dont know much about cars but if they're anything like lawnmowers. i suppose that i could give ita look see.
oh my future is bright! anyway...i really should be sleeping....hey hey are you proud of me, i actually was working on the civics project!!! this weekend should be fun! *rolls eyes* i get to learn about the gouverenement! oh yeah im cool!
damn lack of sleep. why must i continualsty fuck myself over? but the way i see it, as long as im getting the sleep why should it matter when i get it?!?....sure no one is up when im awake, and at school im about to fall asleep,and as soon as i get home i passout...but im good and awake now....oh well, maybe its a sign taht i really should live on the other side of the world. then i'd be awake when everyone else is...hahah ive got you there, stupid mouse........well anyway, im going to go and try out these 'normal' sleep habits you people deem so important!
~alley get well soon!!!~~~
"They say that "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people."

hey hey...why is it taht everytime i ask how its hanging they always give me the position of their dicks? maybe i want to know how the plant or lamp is doing....alright you know me, so you must be dirty minded..can i blame you?!? im listening to the lies theyres a lot of other stuff here worth checking out.check them out. they're pretty good.
anyway, at this moment in time i really should be trying to sleep but lucky me, i have gone and thrown off my sleep again...damn need to nap...oh well....and if im not sleeping i really should be doing homework, but i willa fter this...maybe....*shifty eyes*
well i leave you with this..."you say sex so casulty. and it scares mommy to hear that. its like somone one going "boo, ah""

damn msn not working....there are so many people that i just want to tell to fuck off right now......just to tell them that i'm through with all their crap..and they can shove it up they're asses..because im done with them..but as well all know i probably to most likely wont ever tell them that...but man i would like to...i'm listening to the weakerthans...apperently im ugly...and sadly i give a fuck...i finished the game board, and im not satisfied. but im not a perfectionnest...old habits really do die hard..i'm trying to to fall into my old habits and its really hard..stand still.....let time freeze, but not here...i only read 2 other blogs anymore..charlys and cyncoras...i'll glance at mathewsons...and mike fiumes....i hate school. i hate being in the halls, i hate having to see people i dont want too. i hate how busy it is. i hate getting up early. i hate going to bed early. i dont know what i should do with my hands when i talk to you. how you dont know where to look, so you look at my hands....i hate change...i hate moving...i hate having to make new friends...and yet i can do nothing to prevent change. i like some change, but not all....oh well ...i like the show friends but i hardly ever watch it...im being hounded to get off the compt, but the typing motion is too soothing...damn being upset...i hate crying because in my house, its something that you hide...adn unfortuatly i cant do that in my house because everyone follows me around. and if i put on "sad" music then everyone wants to know whats wrong...i wish i could fly away from it all. just to jump and float...if only... i would be happy...just me and the birds...sadly i've tried to fly, and its never worked...i have conversations with myself in my head...i plan everything out...the chances are if i'm telling you something important then i've rehershed it in my head. its odd, but its sort of my way of procting myself....it helps me sort through my spinning thoughts...i havent done any drugs in about a month 1/2....i dont want to be congratulated....i miss having my swing set in my back yard, because thats the closest that i'll come to being able to fly...thats what i do, i pretend to fly.....shut my eyes, and just let it all go, suddenly nothing matters. not the insults, not the heartache, not my problems, not other peoples problems, not schoolwork, not death. nothing...nothing matters, and i love it...its freedom....if i could fly, i would be happy...but who wouldnt be? well besides those who are afraid of heights, but even then.....i dunno...i need some freedom. i need to get away from everything. get away from this world. get away from everything....forget everything....because at somepoint everything hurts......but i need to get away from it all.....and im gone

well in order to even get to the point where i could say something if i even had anything to say to begin with..which luckly for you i dont. but that seriously took 10 minutes. frig! anyway, so today i went to danielles house to work on our game for civics tahts worth 30% of our mark...damn i gotta stop procrastating...oh well. it happens right?!? oh the leprcons are just because i cant spell, and am too lazy to go change it...
i take to many online tests.im worth approximetly $1,214,000.00. i hope thats amercain...listening to system of a down...i cant understand what he's saying, but im not paying attention.i have a shit load of homework to do. on;ly 3 more to kill a mocking bird questions..im really busy this month. i have 2 dr.appointments this week. i have to do a civics project that will take forever, thats worth 30%.i have a party. a wedding. dads b-day, alleys b-day, my b-day, sonjas b-day. allie's coming up from t.o for my b-day....i don't think that im going to do anything for my 16th. i mena im having allie up, but we're not doing anything. i dunno maybe i'll force a couple of people to come out to dinner with me... well theres the party, and my friends are going to be there, so its not like i need my own or anything. so you guys better come to the party!!!! or i'll kick some ass. i think i'll just take some of my friends out for dinner and then go hang out in a park on some swings or something. sounds like a good plan to me.the carrots are coming to get cyncora....im wearing my hat. i dont know what to write about, but the motions of typing are soothing. i dunno, i just like to type.. its very calming. i have a headache...allie's coming up and i havent seen her in over a year. im so excited. i want to go see pennywise in may, but i really do have to get around to getting the tickets. i dont care if i have to go by myself again. i had fun. although i dunno if i want to make a habit out of it. always wanna play but never want to lose....i hate small talk. espcielly when its small talk on msn, because then it just goes on forever. i cant stand it.....i want to see jersey in concert again. but i dunno if they're still playing at the dugeon, and if im going to be able to see them then, or if i'm going to go see them at K.Y.T.E.S on saturday the 13th. i dunno...if i see them at all it will probably be at K.Y.T.E.S, and proabably by myself. ohwell i can always meet drunks. theyre fun...well i really should finish my homework, and get something to eat...maybe i will. i hate it when you have nothing else to do but eat...and then of course you have nothing to eat. so you just have nothing to do......well im gonna go make some K.D..........later