Bored oh so very bored

Alright, well according to statcounter, no one really reads this blog, which is fine with me. and the only people who have even visted don't even live in Canada. nor do they stay on my site very long. meh, im not out here to impress or entertain anyone. If you want to read about my boring life, in which you arent even getting any of the good stuff, then be my guess. I kinda wish that I could post my thoughts but I cant really, because I dont want some people to know. as they are personal thoughts. Like some of the crap that I have to deal with right now, and some of the stuff I cant stop thinking about, and which I need advice on, even though I already know what i'm going to do, I guess I just need someone to talk to. Some one who isnt in my immedate group of friends. Oh well, I'm pretty used to keeping my thoughts to my self.

So im offically screwed right now.
I have the shakes like a bitch. and people are noticing it. today I was starting in guidence, and I asked mr.cook is there was anything that he wanted me to do. so he looks at me, and says that I look pretty shakey, and if im alright. my mum noticed it yesterday to, while i was stuffing my face at taco bell. she thinks its the meds, which it very well might be, but even without the meds, I've always been a bit shakey. but at least the meds are helping with my sleep thing. now I dont feel the need to have a nap all the time. I'm awake!!!! and I have no problem falling asleep at night. So basicly I'm on pills to sedate me, then pills to keep me up. I almost feel like I should be a zombie. the other thing about these new meds is that its not quite covering my moods, I'm starting to get emotional for no reason again, which is not a good thing. I think its because we lowered my other pills, which really help with my depression, and moods. My mom doesnt like it, but really im just medicated for mine and others own protection. hah, I need that funny shirt that says " heavily medicated for your own protection" cause damn its true. Also I'm started to have problems concentrating again, and the uncontroled thoughts are starting up again. They are still focused on death, but they also involve an asshole who I would love to kick the shit out of.
the other thing is that I'm really scared
theres some asshole around, and scares me. I'm paranoid.
I dont feel safe anywhere in my house after dark but in my room.
I dont feel safe walking at night by my self, which is rare, becuase Im used to it, and I used to walk around toronto at night by my self all the time.
and the scary thing is, that this asshole isnt out to get me. but yet he's taken over my mind. and i cant say much more about it. I told lance because something involving asshole happen to lance. which scares me even more. Its been going on too long, and now its moved up a notch. And he's controlling our lives. and its not fair. its not fair that I grew up with it, its not fair to my family, all because of some prick. I really wish I could say more, but I cant.

theres so much more going on, but becky wont have the patenicents to wait until im done writing, so I will finish after maybe.

6 months

so today is lance and mine's six month anniversy. We were going to go out for dinner and a movie, but he doesnt have any money. But I dont really care, he's the one who wants to celebrate it, so meh. So he wants to go out the next time he has money. Which is kinda sweet that it means something to him. So instead of dinner and a movie, I'm going to go to lances, and watch some apocolyptise movie with him and joe. And then come home to do homework, oh yea! * note the scarasm*
I had to work today, and we were busy with buys, which we didnt take more than half thier stuff anyway, so its pretty much a waste of our time. Even if we know that the bag is full of stuff that we cant take, we have to go through it all one by one, if the customer is watching us like hawks. (which pisses me off)
We have this one woman who comes in, and she looks like a super model. She has the perfectly appiled makeup, gorgeous clothes, her kids are dressed nicely. Everything is so perfect. But when she sells stuff to us, its usually crap. And we're like, 'when do your kids wear this stuff?' its mind boggoling. So today she brought in this maternity dress, brand new, but honestly, not one bit of exageration, it was straight out of little house on the prarry. blue and white checked, withe the puffed sleves, the double buttoned front. I was just so surprised that she even owned this. So when she came to find out if I had taken anything, I said no. And so she askes why, so I tell her that it was a style issue. And she seemed kinda offended. And I'm shocked as hell, I mean, why are you offended if you didnt even wear it?!?

headache

blah, I have a head ache, they are so annoying and pointless. I mean really, why should my head hurt for no damn reason?!!? I didnt hit it, I didn't use it strenosously (sp?) (hahha, not that I usually do, maybe thats the problem) so what the fuck?

anyway, Jen's being damn crabby, and I cant say that Im a fan of it.
so I bought 2 maternity dresses today. ( I'm not pregnate, we just get in some really nice small dresses, that dont look like maternity) and they are awesome dresses. One needs to be taken in like 3 inches, but other than that, I love them. and I went and showed them to her, and she was all " stop buying maternity clothing, your not pregant!! they look like maternity clothes. " and she was getting all pissed. which made no sense whatsoever. anyway, I like my dresses and she wont be able to fit in them anyway, which is definalty a good thing.

haha, my sisters boyfriend has mono, and so she probably has mono....so when I got home from work yesterday my was asked me if I had shared anything with either one of them lately. so I look at her and say " oh yea, I was making out with jonas" then she says ' I wouldnt doubt it"
what a crack fiend. anyway, if i did get mono then a lot of people are screwed! cause erin, jonas have it, then if I got it, lance, joe, jesse would definaly get it. then that leaves, jen and her friends, and my mom. boihahahha, a long like of infection! If I go down im taking everyone with me!!!! heh heh heh heh

alright, jen is starting to get annoyed that im still on, so audios for tonight

kitty

my mum is pissed at my cat sophie. cause shes puking everywhere. and shes treatening to put her down. Blargh
im tired, and i should probably eat. i havent been very hungry lately, damn medication. oh well, as long as I eat whether im hungry or not then I should be fine. and i must say that i remember to eat pretty damn well.
blah.
i have to work tommorow. and tonight was nothing special.

stupid trev, got himself arrested again. well he's not in codesty yet, but they have a warrent out for for him. what a bright boy. which is ironic, because he was going to go around to schools and talk about staying out of trouble and gangs and stuff. and he always said that he'd never go back.

my life in the past 2 months

alright, so here I go.
I havent been posting mainly because, jen is a big computer hog, who uses to do homework, I mean, come on, who does homework?!?

alright to make this easy, and less pain full for everyone, my life will be divided into catorories...

school..........blows
alright, now that I have that outta my system

im taking gr 12 drama again! whoooooooooo
but I have to get a higher mark than I did last year to bring my average up....(I cant believe I sortve care!) but other than that, its pretty fun, lance, darren, and cara, and lindsay are all in my class, and not to forget grame, and grame and lance put together is well its interesting!

then I have spare, which I think I do exeptionly well in.
well for that first month of school when lance just didnt go to his class, because he didnt know where it was, and didnt care. and he didnt get in trouble for it. but now he has to go.
So now I spend my spares, either doing work, cause I'll be damned if Im doing it at home, or chillin with bobby (who looks like ricky malrouny (sp?)) and darren.

then I have creative writting, which I was forced to stay in because the only reason that lance stayed in that class was because im in it, and he switched his classes before I did, so I was stuck, but he promised to help me with the work. Which isnt very much. but its fun cause all in one cornor is me, lance, bobby, and darren. And I kinda like the class.

then I have co-op in the guidence office, simply because the day after schedual changes, I went and pleaded with mrs. tembe to get me out of world issues. so now i do co-op in the guidence office. its not to bad.

alright now with that catory finished, I need to come up with the next one

Friends
well besides charly being in and out of the hospital, poor guy. he comepletely doesnt deserve it. damn god! if I believed in one. and other than that, its mainly me, joe, and sometimes jesse, with of course lance. so we have our fun. and watch a lot of movies.

all right, well the rest of the shit doesnt get its own catogory, pfffffffft
so anyway. Last night someone tried to get into my house. lovely I know! Also last night was the story of the year concert, which at the begining I was only going too because Lance came to my thanksgiving thingy with my huge and crazy family. But then I heard them, and remembered that I liked them, but I just hadnt heard them in a while. and it was a pretty good concert. but I couldnt go in the pit ( boooooo ) beacuse my stupid hip kept shifting out of place, and my next is so tense and sore right now.

but other than that, hmm what else. oh a couple of weeks ago , I felt pretty crapy, so I stayed home, and i slept for 22 hours, without any kind of help. yup, I'm a racoon, as lance likes to refer to me. I wake up to eat and to go back to sleep again.

hmm well other than that tonight my dad is taking jen out for her birthday dinner, and im goiing with her, and she wants to go to nicklles because shes never been there, but I want to go to east sides. I will mention the option, but will go without argument whatever she picks. hey free food, what can I say to that?