Thursday, February 28, 2002

"but i hope you know, that it wont let go, it'll stick around wiht you until the day you die, and i hope you know, that its touch and go, i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside"....hhmmmm i like thta quote....MAHARET MAKE THE BLOG BETTER WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO DAMN LONG???? GGGRRRRRRRR YOU KNOW I CAN (AND WILL) KICK YOUR ASS.*sigh* another unevental day ay skool, my finger still hurts (SYMPATHY!) and yeh, life is just a whole load of crap....i really feel that certin people are ignoring me....but meh....it just proves me right anyway, im better off alone. well yah thats enough self pity for now, and maharet? FIX THE FUCKING BLOG
thank u
PaNdOrA
"but i hope you know, that it wont let go, it'll stick around wiht you until the day you die, and i hope you know, that its touch and go, i hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside"....hhmmmm i like thta quote....MAHARET MAKE THE BLOG BETTER WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO DAMN LONG???? GGGRRRRRRRR YOU KNOW I CAN (AND WILL) KICK YOUR ASS.*sigh* another unevental day ay skool, my finger still hurts (SYMPATHY!) and yeh, life is just a whole load of crap....i really feel that certin people are ignoring me....but meh....it just proves me right anyway, im better off alone. well yah thats enough self pity for now, and maharet? FIX THE FUCKING BLOG
thank u
PaNdOrA

Wednesday, February 27, 2002

and im back. what would happen if we all said exactly what we felt? would there be more war? more hate? more love? more honesty? i think that thre would be more fear. i know that i am terrified of alot of things. being crowds of people. scare me.... losing the people i love, but can never exactly express what i want to say with out scaring myself or them...i'm scared of scaring people..i'm scared of hurting the ones i love, i'm scared of hurting the people i love...i'm scared of making the people i love worry...i notice that all of my fears are for other people...i'm not afraid of my own death, just how it would affect the ones i love...i don't want to hurt anybody, but in turn sometimes i just end up hurting myself...where do you draw the line of fearing for yourself and for other people? where does the line stop of things that you do to protect others, while hurting yourself..am i really doing anybody good like this...would i have no fears if i just didnt have any friends? would i be happier knowing that i'm not hurting anyone but myself? i really need to stop thinking, stop questioning what i will never know...
~whatever happens i love you guys, and i don't mean to hurt anyone~
very sorry to alley once again....what can i say today? umm, i love auto...i'm just grinding the paint off the car, but it's something that makes me feel smart...anyway..isn't amazing how someone can tell you something, and make you all happy, then a second later you read something and you are suddenly in the dumps? i think that its shitty but hey...i dunno i'm worried about a couple of people, but enough about that...i don't really know what to say, i'm torn between writing what i feel at this moment, and babling on about something so pointless that you would only skim read it...because i don't know what to do i shall do nothing, i figure its the safest thing. because if i write what i want to then people might take it the wrong way, or become worried, but if i babble on then what am i doing for anyone, or myself?
all i have to say is hi to my dear katie, yes kay im mentioning you, be proud, do you want me to compliment you too? yes? well ok here we go, you have been my partner in crime since parkside days and beproud that you have the most stupid stories of me than anyone else in the group (desk incident) ands youre my buddy and i will be your date for the prom ,since we'll for sure be single as always...*sigh*sad isnt it? well dear i have mentioned you, be proud, love ya lots and never forget all the laughs we shared and the tears weve cried...love ya kay.
I NOTICE THAT THE BLOG IS NYTHER BACK TO ITS ORIGINAL FORM NOR UPDATED WIHT THE PHOTOS THAT DEAR MAHARET HAD FREAKING PROMISED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 oh no.....i just cut my finger open, *sigh* and back to the bandids i go
i'm sorry alley! but see me and charly were going to create our own background, but we had to find a different template....so very sorry!well according to my mum, i have my days and nights confused...just cause i came home and passed out at 4 and didnt wake up until 10:30, means nothing!!!as long as i get some sleep, i don't see how it matters when i do it, just as long as i do....but of course because i slept for 6 1/2 hours then i'm on drugs...but thats all according to her...anymeway...i actually have very little to say...i notice that i have nothing to say to anyone....thats kinda weird when you have nothing to say to anyone....anyway, i'm going tto go and find random things on the web...

Tuesday, February 26, 2002

HOW DARE YOU CHANGE THE FORMATT OF THE FUCKING BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IM SO ANGRY THAT I REFUSE TO BLOG FOREVER!

Monday, February 25, 2002

bdsakjgdiusf
hello yet again...well i had my MRI done today...i also went to the doctors office to find out whats wrong wth me, but surprise surpire they don't know!!! anyway, i'm not bitter or anything....well i don't really have anything much to say here...and no memories to share. with nothing to say, yet i post anyway.... i think that i'll post some of my newer poems...well i'll be see you later...

Sunday, February 24, 2002

hey merrick , i forgot my dear lestat at your home last nite, please be a good vamp and bring them to skool tomorow, or i'll destroy you....but on to a happier note....ye merrick the situation is weird, and i must admit he is man-whore (no offence nick, its not necassarlily a bad thing)wow, this weekend has seemed so much more longer than usual, mad social butterflies altely(go me!!) normally i hate the human racce but lately i have been lonley so ive been hanging out more.im so happy!i found all these rare megadeth coversongs and they are great! you can hear dave mustaine (my beautiful dave) yellling at the other members of teh band...lol, silly pandora and her metal music! but meh.....good ol writing jibberish....lol, my dad wrote me a note this morning that read "alley!!!! fairies wear boots! i tell you no lies, i saw it, i saw it with my own two eyes!"....and i was so confused, lol, good old garth...what a funny guy...but meh on to more important things....MERRICK I WANT LESTAT BACK MUHAHHAHAHAH, (as a quote jesse "just a little bit evil") well peace all, and watch your necks
~pandora~
hey one and all...yeah tonight was good times...sorry stina the internet was being a big dumb ass...*ponders* maybe i'll throw my computer down that set of stairs too! notice how we always try to fit our group into other shows or things...meh its all in good fun....gladiator is a good freaking movie!!! i was getting so damned mad...now just think ing about it..*angry fist* i was sitting on the couch with alleymegator.she is so un touchy feeley.. i love being squished between my good friends.. just spreading the love...i remember when i lived in toronto and me and my "friends" were really touchy...it was great.. really funny because bryn wasnt a huggy person at all, but she loved to be squiched... we were always cuddling...we were really good friends, you know the kind where you can do anything in front of. really comfortable around eachother...i remember the night before our softball city championships me and my little sister jen stayed over at bryns house. we decided taht we would go to bed early so that we would be rested for the game the next day. so we go up to her room, which was always in a state of distruction, and decided that me and bryn would sleep in the bed because of our backs and jen would find somewhere on the floor to sleep. the thing about bryns bed was that it was really close to the ceiling. it was this bunk bed type set up with a desk underneith the bed and she had teh ceiling fan right by there too. the fan would just clear the bed... always the living terror, don't forget about the fan. so me and bryn were up there and jen had somewhat succeded in finding a fairly un hasardous place to sleep... me and bryn slept head to toe because this bed was smaller than a single. so we're squished in there and as happy as could be. so around midnight we were bored and couldn't sleep. we were excited because we had a title to defend, and bryn was pitching and i was starting as 1st base..jen had struck this really funny pistion on the floor, she had formed a circle with her legs..so being the good friends taht we were, we found things to throw at her...and made a game out of who could get the most things in the circle without waking her..so we did that for awhile then i hit her a little too hard with a comic book, and she somewhat woke up..so me and bryn climbed outta bed, which was no easy feat let me tell you, and went downstairs to get something to eat...then we decided to go down into the basement to watch these world series 1994 and 1993 videos taht she had... we sometimes used them to help us fall asleep...so we watched them and we still hadn't passed out, so we went back up to her bedroom, and tried to climb into her bed without making too much noise...see the thing about sharing a bed with bryn is that she steals all your blankets and likes to kick...so i guess we did eventually fall asleep and in our sleep i had bitten her toe..so she wakes up and hits me with good reason..then we go back to sleep. i was ina deep sleep, finally.and bryn woke up and had to go to the bathroom, but to her surprise her toe was in my mouth again! she didn't hit me as hard the second time.....but thats just an odd example of our closeness...and for anyone who cares, we won, and bryn got the winning hit.....

you know whats really sad though....i just couldnt go to sleep with out blogging. i had to gte my ass outta bed and come down here just to tell you that.....

~queen maharet~
hey all
man TWO good days in a row... ive had tons of fun no two million tons of fun with u guys (all who were there both nights or one or the other) i already chatted about the friday night.today i practiced driving it was fun times man. i was really nervous tho. ahh dont wanna crash. but yeah then renee and alley came over it = fun times. we watched veggie tales and saw dave and the giant pickle. haha silly songs with larry lkick!!danielles bob the tomato... alleys larry the cucumber... im jr asparagus or 'dave' renee is king saul(asparagus) and the giant pickle lol. its so fun cuz they DO resemble us(not phyisca;lly-- Im NOT green) nbut yeah then we watched glatiator. it was sooo good. and we were cracking jokes it was funny. haha PUSH HIM DOWN THE STAIRS. neway renee u left me on msn!! how could u *a tear* ...so what to do with the nick situation im so confused...im always confused when it comes to him.... sigh
later
~merrick~
the obsession continues... oh yeah alley nice pics by the way!!!

Saturday, February 23, 2002

thank you for the briefing on the vamps....oh yeah i made you danielle.. thats right i am the queen!!!anyway...
middle class white guy- why don't you leave your name? are you ashamed of your comments? i didnt find them offensive...you have your right to say whatever you feel, thats what its there for...we want your feedback...we're not oing to hold it against you....anyway, i have nothing other to say
Lestat~strongest vampire in teh elite, has drunk the blood of christ, Akasha, maruis and whoever else he chooses. blonde, egotisicial, rock star, beautiful and is often refered to by the anicents as the "brat prince". before he bacmae a vampire he was the son of a noble man and lestat de lioncourt was a lord in the french country side, eventually went to new orleans where he met teh motal louis.
Louis~green eyes, black long hair, made by lestat, louis is a depressed vampire, refuses to drink the blood of anyone of the anicents because he feels that his only tie to humanity is the fact that he looks most like a human, he feels all he has is his pain and he suffers hooribly for it. for decades he refused to take human life and drank only rats blood, until he met claudia
Claudia~an enfant whom louis finds in teh gutters of new orleans, her family had been killed by the plague, and louis felt so bad for her, as claudia was clinging to her dead mothers body, that he should end her sufffering, louis kills her, and when louis leaves her there, lestat comes and turns her into a vampire, claudia eventually is killed by the paris coven of vampires, led by thr bottellici angel, armand
Armand~apperance unknown, some claim blonde, some claim dark, i think he is dark blonde,made by marius in 15th florence italy.was called armandeo then, but changed his name when maruis was thought to be killed by the young blood drinkers. meets louis when louis and claudia leave lestat to die (claudia attempted to kill him....but duh!!! you cant kill lestat!!)armand falls in love with louis and wants them to become compainions. louis refuses, all he has is his pain and his hell and he wants to live alone with it. armand runs the theatre de vampires in paris and he is close with almost all the vampires, as he is so beautiful that everyone falls inlove with him
Marius~one of teh ancients, made in about 34 BC in rome, in his mortal life, fell in love with Pandora, but pandoras father thought him to be a wanderer and refused the marrige to take place. marius is blonde looks alot like lestat except older (marius was in his late 30s when he was madem lestat was 24) was made by the ancient druids, specially mael.believes everything has a scientific, logical expaltion. cared for Those Who Must Be Kept (akasha, enkil) for centuries until akasha rose.
Pandora~one of the ancients, marius love, made in about 40 BC, long dark hair, very italian looking, born and raised in rome, fell in love with marius when she was a child, but her father denied her him. the only vampire that truly hates teh dark gift (being a vampire)as she was a vampire in a past life, around 3000 BC in ancient egypt and was killed by akasha when she ruled.pandora is a wanderer loved by all but she prefers being alone, the only thing that brings her happiness is her hrist for blood and death
Maharet~one of teh oldest vampires, amde by khayman in teh dungeon, where akasha was keeping tehm, akasha felt that it was maharets fault that aksha was a vampire so she was going to kill them, she ripped out maharets eyes, and ripped out her twin sisters (makaere) tongue. maharet, after every kill steals teh eyes of teh victim so she can see, and so doesnt look so disturbing. when akasha was defeated by makaere in the 1980s maharet became the queen mother of teh vampires. her love is mael and khayman, she made jesse who was her niece in teh mortal world (long line of family trees, must read queen of the damned to even attempt to comprehand) was in early 30s when givem teh dark gift, long red hair
Jesse~looks just like maharet but younger, was a memeber of teh talamsca, teh society that studies the paranormal, especailly the elite oven of vampires, freind of david talbot, very beautiful, lives with maharet, mekaere, mael and khayman, doesnt talk to the others much, but is increbialby powerful for such a youing vampire(drank maharets blood)
David~the man in charge of the talmasca, had an obseesion with lestat and lestat returned the obsession, going to teh talmasca every night to talk to david, the two of them connected on an intellectual level and lestat forced david into becoming a vampire after the body theft. lives with merrick, louis, and lestat. is considered wise, as he was close to death when he was mad einto a vampire therefore has a wisdom of life that none of the other vampires have
Merrick~also spelt merrique, was a gypsy, who was a master at voodoo and the black arts, she worked in the talmasca, loved by david, in teh novel "merrick" claudia comes back to haunt teh vampires and louis, who loved her dearly is desperate to let her be at paece, asks maerrick to perform a spell to help clauidia be at peace, merrick, liking louis also casts a spell for him to fall in love with her, and he makes her into a vampire, the first vampire he ever made, (lestat made claudia). merrick often casts spells, and made david fall in love with her years ago, she drinks louis blood and lestats and davids and tehn becomes as strong as teh rest of tehm, dark features
Khayman~the oldest vampire living, was the first vampire made by akasha, he was her servant in ancient egypt. not alot is kow of him as he is a wanderer and is by nature very quiet
Mael~ancient druid, made marius, light blonde hair, almost white.became close with maharet and helped raise jesse, mael is wise and was once a philosopher in his mortal life, made into a vampier when he was in his late 40s.
.......i think thast it, i know i didnt post about makere, but you'll know why when you read about her....wow, that took mad long, but i feel it was woeth it...ya know what? im thniking of who the guys are in the vampires....lol, give me your imput on that girls!!! nad guys too, let me know!
pandora
so very thrilled that we are now the vampire chronicles, and so very glad that ren and i have warped danille and stinas minds into loving the vampires too.....so glad that danielle is blogging again, way to go jesse!!! have you started "interview" yet?? i think interview is one of my faves, "pandora" of course is my ultimate fave, who wouldnt love a well written autobiography which describes my wit, my intelligence and temper *cough* now allthough, in teh books, no female has a male spouse/love/husband/ etc....they sort of have...well i really dont know how to describe it.....well i have marius and appartley lestat is very fond of me (im not making this up, i have letters from him to this lady talking about my many talents), jesse has mael and khayman, two of teh anicents, maharet the queen has well everyone, and merrick has louis, david and lestat, damn you stina!!!! louis is mine!!! well in my dreams.....jesse, when you finish teh first novel, i'll have a sleepover with yuo all and we'll rent interview with the vampire ok?? way to post the dirty games maharet! jerk!!! but yah now everyone can see what we do in our spare time.....NOTHING!!!!! lol,yeh so merrick if you actually do end up doing some vampiric artwork or lord of the rings, you know i'll love you forever, well i alreadly do, but if you do, then i promise not to destroy you (my temper is bad sometimes) *innocent smile* well my dear blood drinkers, i shall end my blubbering and then i shall post right after this, all teh vampires.
love always, Pandora
well here i am again, im going to try writing for 10minutes straight.its 3:56 right now, i've been pon the interente for 4 hours now....dont relly know what to say here. i'm really thankful for teh delet botton. i justed to watch a lot of flipper when i was a kid. that was a great show! i want to be a dolphin, they are really smart, have sex for pleasure, they are outgoing and friendly. they are everything that i ant to be.....big friendly bear.....i want a bear hug. i love hugs, they beat kisses, becuase you are so much closer to a person when you hug them. but kisses are great because i only kiss the people that i am really comfortable round...well i on a regualar basis kiss keith and alley....but if youlook at my pryor post keith=alley....we decided this...hahah, i wish i was wearing lipstick..i wish that i had lip blam...only 6 minutes left.isnt that sad irts taken me 2 minutes to write all this. i think that i write way to sslow....and and andad adnanda anandandanda dnaand nad and and i'm really tired and i can feel my heart beat. i wanrtto go to the dungeon on march 8th..want to go to a ska show with stina....abnd and and anadand and anad my little cusion spiked my hair today na dwe played hair dresser..she put aLOT of gel iin my hair and when i rub it to take the stiffness out of the spikes to get green shit all over my shoulders..damn gel...old people have great stories, some of my favorrite kind. i love stories, i love to read. i love my friends and andanadaandanadandanadandanda dna and and and adna i dont know what to write...there was a girl on the swings sets she just kept looking at the sky, she was bottleng up and tearing up all her problems and sending themn to the sky.ytlet them become the stars prblems, let the clouds wisp them away. and she would try to become one woth teh sky. she wanted to fly. everytime her parents fought, or she was ina croud of people. everytime that her friends made fun of her for being different and weird. everytime that she didnt live up to other people's expecations,. everytime taht someone called her names.but she was determinded to play hockey, she was sdetereminded to be one of the guys, and earn they're respect....she would try as hard as she could to become the fastes skater on her team, learn how to do stuff theat the boys didnt know how to do. she worked so hard and beat herself up so much. if she failed at a sport she would kick herself in teh ass...her second year of playing girls hockey she became the rock. she always got to say what postion that she wanted to play, that being defense..sometimes she would play forward, she needed to be good at everything, well be good enough...that year she tryed out for the school hockey team. it was a boys team.. she had ashma, and hated to play with them because they never let her get the puck when she was playing. one guy would come all the way from the other end to get the puck, meanwhile she was right there. but she was determined that she would be equal to them. she was going to earn they're respect. so she stuck to it, played when ever she could, entered as many touraments as she could. played street hockey in the snow with her guy friends...the next year she tried out again for the school hockey team and made it oncea gain... she stil didn't get played as much, but she would get there in time, she jst wasnt always sure what to do, she put so much pressure on herself...she had to be good at hockey. she had top earn the respect of the guys and shge just had to bnabale to do something taht her "friends" couldn't do. they were dancers and singers, and really good at sports and at school. but this little girll wasnt good at anything imperticular. she always felt that she had to be really good at something. that that was what she brought...maybe they would like her more if...but that year she did get better. then the following year she came back and she had attuide. she wasnt going tyo take shit from anyone...her dad had just started clling them again after a 6month peroid where her and her sisters had gotten in a bnig fight with him...so she went to practise with her lucky pink laces, they were from the year before, she was one of the star players and her and her hockey buddies got pink laces...so she showed up there with her pink laces and a newly curved hockey stick..she was ready, faster than ever. she had spent the summer practising, she would swim all the time, and her uncle bob had taught her some more stick handdling, and they came up with plays and what that she would do in that sitution...she was determined...she wasnt going to take shit from anyone...so this year she got her own dresssing room.. she liked it, but liked being with the boys better.. so she made it.. she was starting line power play...she was so proud. one preticular game they were playing this team that they abusluted hated.. her father promised that he would come and see her play... it was one of the few games taht she let him come to her games...she knew from teh year before taht she would spend the whole game looking for him, and if he did show up then it would be in the last 5 minutes, or not at all...so this game she was playing and the star player, her friend, had gotten cross-checked, and it hurt pretty bad. but he stayed on, and he just was there, and it was the exact oppistite of what had happened 2 years before...he told her to get everything... and she did, she did exceptionally...she was so proud of herself...even though she had spent most of the game looking for her father...big let down yet again...it was like she was setting her self up for disspointment...but they beat them and moved on to the finals....so there they were. most important game of the year, and she had invited her father once again...she had become pretty good friends with teh star player, everytime taht he scored a goal, or whenever a goal was scored he would skate back and hit her in the thighs...she was so happy....but he knew that her dad was supposed to show up for the game...so he was looking for him too...she had so much pressure on...she spent her whole game looking to see if her dad would show up...5 seconds before the buzzer rang, he walked in talking on his cell phone....they had lost the game...she couldnt concentrate because she was looking for him...she ran to her dressing room crying...this was one of the most important moments in her life and he had missed it, her game was off because he missed it... she began to hate him... when she was done changing she went out and he congratulated her on a good game...he prented that he was there the whole time...but she was furesous...and that was the last game of ice hockey that she played...if he had known that maybe he would have shown up, maybe he wouldnt have lied about it, the world id full of possibilities...but out of all taht she became one of the guys... she was considered an asset to be on the guys team when they played street hockey..she was happy, she was one of the guys...and the star hockey player even remembered what hand she played with and would bring her sticks to play with in case she didnt have hers on her. suddenly it didnt matter if he didnt show up, she was one of the guys...he uncles would end up taking her to hockey games, and to her important games, in softball...but she was one of the guys......
readin my last post i reallised i have very short sentences. i dont kno why or why im posting about it now... just an observation. hey what movie(if any) are we gonna see for shannon and danielles party? what are we doing other than dinner?
well i told you that i'd be posting again tonight so :P ....anyway we figured out that for everyguy in our group theres a female version....
well we'll start off with chris cyncora=stina (but i fit in that catogory too), mathewson=me, keith=alley, andrew=britt...and alley you so are keith, i don't care what you say, you couldnt be more him..your both really privite and need i go on, cause you know its true, and the need to always be right...but hey no wonder i like you so much....stina's like cyncora with the straight-edgededness, and some of the personality bit...i'm like mathewson in the fact that we have similar builds and we both do the giving advice thing and the spinning...but other than that...
anyway, there was something else that i was going to write about, but i no longer remember what that was, so i'm going to go get some water and then maybe i'll remember....
well i did get something to drink but i dont remember exactly what i was going to write, so i'll write about something else..
out of no where my uncle john starts calling me martha, so i tell him that my name is renee. and he says that he knows..so i'm a little bewildered..so i figured that he just gave me a nickname, so i started calling him uncle alice...i never call anyof my realitives but uncle or aunt.just they're first names, it's always been like that in my family. i call my nanny jen sometimes, she doesnt have a problem with it...trying to sit relaxed but i just keep tensing up again, damn muscles!!! what more can i find to ramble on about?!?!?
oh so i found out what was making that funky smell in my room today. i keep some plants in water and theye've lived in water.so my dad got me roses for valentines day, and i put them in there with my plants...well something went bad....i dont know what happened but something was rotting in there, really gross i tell you..*shudder shudder* so now my room no longer smells like rotten eggs and wet dog!!! way to get that smell out renee!!! damn smell filled the whole friggin house!!!
well enough sharing for the moment
~QUEEN Maharet
hey all... man tonite was the best night since like 2001 well i dunno it was up there tho. it reminded me of our adventures to wendys and tim hortons last year. fun times full of laughing joking and poking fun @ each other. Wow that movie was good... ill go see it just the vampire lestat was so freaggin hot. haha man good ol hormones. man he had a sexy voice tho. i liked the music for it tho. it was more metal than punk but its all good. i enjoy it as well. but yeah its all about every1s obsession with vampires. i dunno if im gonna go to the extreme of sharpening my teeth. but man white contacts would be insane. i wanna just see what they would look like. apparently im merrick the vampire gypsy. im not into the whole blood thing but drawing vampires its wicked. and fantasy stuff.. im all about loosing reality in my art. now a days i rarely draw realism pictures. like pictures copied out of something. i still do draw people... just make them vampires with crazy eyes and fangs. fun times. man today has been really good. i woke up feeling really awake.. went to the shwa and got my liscence went home drew for danielle(good ol bithdays) and later had ppl over then off to the movie. fun times. tomorrow im actually gonna go for a drive. im excited. man alley and danielle... cant wait for next year. we gotta do some serious scouting. dont worry theyre shall be enough guys for all... apparently theyre better from exeter neway... but hey maybe ill hook up with adam o cuz yeah we did like each oter at one time and hes very good looking. but neway i think im off soon., freag its almost 2 why am i feeling so awake and refreshed|? this is odd indeed. ,maybe lack of skool. neway hope all had good time @ joeys parté
later
~the vampire merrick~
hello hello!! well Queen of the damned was good!!! and i'm going to have to agree with the Lestat was very tasty indeed..damn you jesse for being so good looking!!! kick you down a flight stairs!! but it was good times!! man everytime that i got lost in the conversation danielle and alley made me go get them something!*angry fist* but yes us and our stupid dirty games...but before i get to them i will say that i went and saw my adopted sister Danielle, and we had a blast...now what you've all been waiting for the dirty games will begin!
dirty game #1 done on stina
stuart townsound (vampire lestat) someone says "what?"
legolas someone says "i suck at figure 8's"
nick someone says "i'm just gonna go over them"
adam someone says "i can't do a certin way"
adam someone says "i dont know, they look like squiggly lines"

dirty game #2
danielle with legolas in the nook his penis and her noggen
brandi with stuart inthebowling alley his tounge and her thigh
alley with adam under a bridge his abs and her vagina
stina with nick in the library his buttocks and her tooth
renee with adam in a alleyway his pecs and her thumbnail

dirty game #3
renee and nick in the stock room with my vagina and his kneepit....(interesting i know)
shannon and john in thr tree house with her elbow and his ear...(thats gotta hurt!)
danielle and adam in the freezer with her mouth and his bottocs...(kinky)
stina and mathewson on a car trolly with her mouth and his calf...(you figure that one out!)

dirty game #4
alley and stuart on a ice burg with her lips and the ball of his foot... (foot fetish alley?!?)
stina and legolas on the titanic with her kneepit and his elbow....(now you two can make farting noises forever!!)
danielle and jonny depp in a treehouse with her vagina and his lowerback...(you stole my tree house!)
shannon and brad pitt in a freezer with her wrist and his penis....(cold aint it?)
renee and josh hartnett in the amazon with my tongue and his wisdom teeth...(tonsiel hockey with hartnett...)

dirty game #5
renee and john in the treehouse and someone is admiring something....(well at least i got my damn treehouse!)
stina and adam in the freezer and theres sucking of some sort....(stina claims that its a popscile...)
danielle and keith in an ice cream truck and theres some peeling or sorts....(mmmm hot fudge and whipcream..)
alley and mathewson on a tire swing and theres some kicking....(alley you have to control your temper)
shannon and hot boy on a table and theres some squishing....(ahannon, look before you sitdown)

dirty game #6)
renee and chaz in a lagoon and theres some throwing going on...(i've got nothing to say here)
danielle and brad pitt in an ice cream truck and theres some pounding going on...(you bitch)
shannon and legolas in a green house and theres some licking going on....(shannon!)
alley and lestat on the border and theres some kicking going on....(alley what have i told you about your temper?!?)
stina and jonny depp at the interstate 95 theres some seed sucking....(puttin on a show eh)

and now to relive you of our stupid games that we feel nessary to post on the internet.......
oh yeah i'm the queen!!!
i will be back later
~queen maharet~
so ya it has been forever since i have posted on this blog and i am finally going to! i just got back from seeing queen of the damned and i must say it was quite good indeed. with all its evil people lestat was quite good looking and so was the guy in the band lovely i must say. but after all of us( by all i mean me, stina, renee and alley) went to tim hortans for some coffee and timbits. we ended up being there for about 2 hours and it was so much fun. we played some dirty little games of which u will see when renee posts. it is quite good christina always got the nasty ones! so now i have decided that i no longer want to be a witch but i want to be a vampire. the only downside is haveing to suck blood but i could always live of rats and such. that would work! i think it would be very interesting to be a vampire. but yes so the fun times of the night were great unfortunatly shannon could not be with us although we included her in our games we had fun renee ate coffee donuts of which one fell apart and made her coffee lumpy it was rather disgusting i must say. but aparently she thought it tasted good. i got some gummi bears just to annoy alley. i wonder if there could be a vampire that feeds off gummi bears cause if there was i would so be it. and maybe then you could live in the sun light cause night time kinda sux there really isn't much people out. but yes i think i am done for my blogging this evening and i will try to blog more often. good night from me my new name is jesse!

Friday, February 22, 2002

ya well here iam after seeing queen of the damned, and though they changed the entire plot line, and i was killed off qithin seconds (pandora is defiantley pissed) it was a preety good movie. and lestat was hot, yes lestat was VERY hot. *cough* im ok tho i really am, then we went to tim hortons and drank coffee and did dirty little games, renee will be posting the results withing minutes i assure you. appartenley danille is even gonna blog! gasp!!!its aboot flippin time! my dog is looking at me , i feel bad that i didnt take him for a walk, sorry partner!! but yeh i said i would blog and so im here, now a little bit eariler i stated that i have goiven up on being a vampire that i would settle for being an elf,*cough* well ive changed my mind again, which means back to sharpening my teeth, hhmmmm maybe i should just buy fangs, it might be a bit easier, healthier and tastier.....so all in all, teh vampire goddess pandora is back (thats me) stina is merrick teh vampire gypsy who forces everyone to fall in love with her, danille is jesse, cause yeh they look teh same and it just works out, and renee is maharet, yes ren i have decided, you are the queen vampire be proud...so ya, welcome to teh vampire chronicles....remember ren change the blogs name to teh vampire chronicles....well peace all, love ya,,,,
~ThE gOdDeSs PaNdOrA~
hey everybody
how did the MRI go renee? well im sure my blog would not have been pleasant to read for many ppl but just so u all kno it wasnt directed at anyone specific. as you all now a big majority of ppl do it. but yeah lsat night i decided to go to the dance with danielle cuz i felt really bad. haha thats right guys laugh it up. meh it wasnt too cool cuz i felt like crap the music was crap and i never danced with neone but hey its allrite. i had fun times with my skirt. i see the group had a get together. i have had one in a while. a really good one neway. but this weekedn should be better being a long weekend and all SCORE. hey guess what everyone! I GOT ME G1 TODAY yaya!! tomorrow im going out driving with my dad. well neway i guess thats about it. yes renee for the being tom boys!! what other girl do u kno that tackles so much? and yes alley much crazier than a coconut! well that is all., we should put jeffs link on our blog he got mad at me for it. later
well here i am...and there you go...anyway... so alley i'm back, did'chya notice? i think that you did...anyway...im one of the elite four that gets to work on the blue pool car in auto!! i feel so specail! *tear* but yeah i'm with some really nice guys, jason prichard, matt regrigsoius (i spelt it wrong), and shane... they're all really nice and don't treat me any different because i'm a girl...its great...i remember back when i lived in Toronto, i was one of the guys...i love being one of the guys, i was also a bit of a bully...i was so volient...but only towards guys, unless you were Bryn (she was my best friend and she was great. we were always rough housing and beating the crap out of eachother. but thats another story taht i'll save for some other time) or my little sister Jen..we would always play phin ball, chache chache, and hockey...there was also soccer and football, but they werent as long going as the others...but when we played phin ball - which is basicly the same as baseball, but a little different- it was great, cause sometimes i would be fought over to beon someones team...chache chache was the best.(hide and go seek crossed with kick the can) we would trade clothes to confuse whoevers 'it'. my best friend Justin lived right in the park, and instead of going the 5 feet to his backyard, he would go 100 feet or more just to go to the bathroom...this one time when we were playing cashe-chache i was hiding behind a tree and justin walks up starts to unzip his pants, then he just looks up and flipps out, actually fell down because i shocked him so much..he was so sorry that he almost pee'd on me...good times...i really miss the park and the people...but i guess i really miss the memories...can you miss a memorie? anyway
yesterday i went to alleys when i got back from T.O and we watched Dazed and Confused...i swear a couple more times of seeing taht movie and i will know all the words to it...then we walked to my uncle's and dropped in and said hello..my little cousin (adopted sister) and she was just so happy to see me.she just kept hugging me,and made me feel like i was the most important person in the world. when i was ready to leave, she was saying "can't you stay an hour?" "how about 10 minutes longer?" she didn't want me to leave.. so today i'm going to go spend sometime with her, should be fun...
tonight i'm going to go see Queen of the Damned!!! oh yeah good old vampires....

Thursday, February 21, 2002

her iam again, very glad the blog is up and running again......i was a little upset three for a bit.....wahst teh plan tonite ladies????? did you want some ren*you knw*?WHAT DOES IT MEAN? MLIE DOWN ON THE COACH WAHT DOES IT MENA??? eh stina???? i really wanna find out waht is happenin tonite but no one tells me anytihnig so meh! HES NUTS! HES AS CRAZY AS A COCANUT! brb gota call ren,fuck i forgot shes in toronto, FUCK!!!!! REN GET BACK IS GAYJAX!!!!! waht does that mean?????? yeh so i wanna know who this male person who is writing in the gusest book about my substances??? its prolly someone in the group but no one tells me shit so meh...well ay i should go, all today i kept thinking about ren pigging out on snow on lynsdies front lawn....on that fatal friday night of torture and lostness...lol, too funny renee too funny.....what does it mean?
?

Wednesday, February 20, 2002

well thank you mathewson he is the fixer of all our blog problems...
i wear a mask instead of hide behind addiction, although not always...a perfect example being today...but im not going to get into that...in drama we did this thing where we made a mask and did a seris of activites wearing them. the point of all of it was to show that its easier to be anyone you want with a mask....it makes it easier to deal with stuff if your not your self...im not sure that i'm making any sense...but i'm far from promoting the wearing of masks, because then we would be even more superficail than we already are...not one can say that they arent in the littlest bit...anyway, i will be off now
see you later
have better days.
hey all, i just inspied myself by reading our guestbook and i have a few comments, dont be weary they're not all bad.....thank you cyncora for your entry and you too andrew, it nearly made me cry......reading the guestbook has made my day..... :) but anywaysin response to stinas post.....i see your point deary and i apoligise for the fact that we can ALL be drug addicts sometimes, alltohugh some more then others......i know you are prolly scared and hell you even admitted it, and i wont deny that 2002 has really been bad for shit like this, and sometiems, most times this DOES make it worse,,,,but sometimes its just so much easier to hide behind a cover of addiction than face the truth.....ANYONE DISAGREE?
well i think that blogger is up and running again...well in response to alleys blog i will always love you and support you no matter what and will through anything and everything...and that goes for all of you guys....as for christinas post i'm not going to say anything until i've had sometime to think...but i am very sorry to anyone who i've scared and have worried about me...i really am...

anyway onto todays happenings...my life is an emotional rollercoster...for example when i first woke up this morning i was scared, don't ask me why, cause i have no clue, but i was. then later on i felt really smart (this would be in auto) then i got really hyper. then at lunch i started balling my eyes out. then i became ok then still being depressed went to english. then in civics i became really hyper again.then to the outers club where i was just me.and now i'm extremely tired...in 5 minutes who knows? grr i hate hormones!!!and damn seritione...and i may have said something to some one very dear to me that i maybe shouldn't have....but hey its me...i also request the same as alley, please don't give up on me...and support me and most of all love me...i know i can be a jerk alot of the time, but i really do love you guys....

and on to happier topics, well lets see if i have any...oh ok tonight i'm planning on dying my hair cherry black...i don't have the money to keep up with the funny colours, so until i become rich again....

Tuesday, February 19, 2002

why isnt my post showing up!! screw u machines!
hey all
I too have not posted in a while. Suddenly I had a urge to say. well I've had a lot on my mind... I'm trying not to beat around the bush on what im trying to say......guys ive gotta tell you I've sat back on this issue for a long time. I've seen it and observed. In case you dont kno what im talking about its drugs.(man that sounded cheesiefied right out of an add) but neway I've kept fairly quiet on the whole issue. I've never said ive liked it or done it but i see what it does to other people and its not pretty. im writing about this now because im freaggin terrified. im scared of what they do to you guys. ive been an observer for almost two years now and before i never really liked them but after the past events im thinking im hating them with a passion. in eeriks words its sensationalism. its fake. im sure it feels good now but really look back and ask yourself is it really worth it. since 2002 started the whole drug thing has gotten pretty bad. ive seen fights and problems in relationships because of them. it hurts to say but personally i dont think eerik would have killed him self if it wasnt for them. i kno many people are willing to debate this and saying that im wrong but ur only fooling yourselves. i really dont wanna judge any one i hate judgement and its not my place to do it because im human and i make bad choices. but drugs scare the crap out of me. a few fridays ago me and some other people had a scare with them and i feel its fair to say that it got out of hand. DONT THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY ITS WORTH A LOT MORE THAN THAT!!!!
i read blogs a lot. its a fun passtime of mine. ive been thinking a lot lately...perhaps too much. but I look at what a lot of people write about. its about getting high. guys life does not revolve around drugs and im telling you guys because you my friends and i see it destroy people. im really scared. im not sure what really came over me now. but seriously think about it. why are you doing this. to find happiness? sensationalism. trust me its not there. your just wasting time and money by doing that cycle.

im aware this goes against a lot of peoples lifestyles. im sure many people will be angry after reading this. and if i offend anyone im sorry. its just been building inside me for a while...but let me ask you how much do you gain for a few cheap highs?
feel free to post your thoughts on the guestbook or on your own blogs i read them all anyway
why is everyone acting so weird....why does bring up odd subjects out of nowhere than expect normal and "correct" answers??whats with us lately??? we should hold a meeting, i think the entire group needs to talk, but most likely it will jsut turn into a brawl.....look, if i have ever said anything unnerving or scary or stupid or weird, just ignore it, im still alley guys.....have you forgotten that??i really do love you all.....and to brandi, sonja and renee i really love you three and im sorry that i upset you sometimes, but i still want your friendship and your undying support thru alll my temper tantrums...i just want the truth and this is directred to sonjee -gonjeee, what si goin on with you? i thnik we need to talk kiddo.....things have gotten way out of hand/mind.....anyone disagree? didnt think so. i just hope you all know that i love all of you, and i never meant to casuse harm or FEAR or anything else unsettling.....im still the same, just a little more ripped. and thats all *sigh* i can never say waht im really feeling, isnt that teh way? i hope ALL OF YOU get my drift since iam incapable of expressing myself. just think:WHEN WE GROW UP WE'LL BE STABLE!....lol...love ya (even tho i'll prolly deny it if you ask)......i really do love ya all
~AlLeY tAlLy~
lets seee if this works
well here i am again after 2 days...you know you missed me...well what can i say? not much has happened in my life, but does anything really? umm, lets see...well at the moment im at home sick...damn you blue benches!!!!!
oh well yesterday when i went to the benches i was sleeping on them, and mrs.esaghern (sp?) woke me up to tell me that i can't pass out there...so i look at her like what the fuck? and im not going to finnnish the conversation , but where does it say in the school rules that i cannot sleep at the blue benches? is it really hurting anyone, or myself??? no! if i want to have a nap at lunch so that i won't sleep in my classes, i should be allowed....i seriuosly love how they pull these rules outta their asses...just like mr.k...but this isnt about him....but that is one of the stupidest things i have ever heard... i mean really....thats just dumb, she's just jelous that i can sleep and she can't....so up yours!!!!!!!
anyway i'm off to attempt to make myself some soup, but as you all know, i usually fail miseribably...oh well, it's worth a shot right?

Monday, February 18, 2002

deserve? do i really deserve anything better tahn this??its all bullshit..."dont expect too much from me and you might not be let down....."someone told me i deserve so much more than this and i just cant beleive it....but who cares? this all bullshit anyway.....jut ignore everything i write, its easier that way......ignore everythnig i say!!!DO IT!!!!!!!!!the pain is hurting the ribcagte and i should take partner for a walk so adios and forget about these worthless blogs ok?
if im famous maybe i'll feel good in this ski n...all i ever wanted was to be wanted,,,,im sorry alll...im so soory,,,i just wantred something that i never could have

Saturday, February 16, 2002

hello one and all...i just got back from alleys..dyed her hair...looks mighty good i must say...al don't shave you head, unless you want to look like me, and believe me no one does....anyway, havent done much this weekend, last night i was with family then i went to alleys...i have an adopted little sister...my cousin danielle wants an older sister, so i said that i would be her older sister, so i'm going to go visit them next weekend...my uncle is looking alot worse...oh well this isnt really the place for me to be talking about this...so tired and bored...i dunno, whats really going on anymore...(did i ever?) well not much to say here...my half sister wants to get to know me and my sisters...i haven't seen her since i was like 3 years old...they dont know where my other half-sister is...apperently she joined some religious cult...oh well..tammy lives in B.C and is 29, has 2 kids and is married....and thats all that i know about her...
my cousin is apperently engaged, and has been for like a year or 2...he's 18 and she's 17...frigg, is all i have to say... i dont know how i would feel if someone asked me to marry them when i was 15 or 16...i'd kinda be a little creeped out, or not take it seriouusly, but who really would? i dunno, thats just my opinion, actually its not an opinoin at all... oh well. well what else to say here?!? today i've feasted only on pizza...umm pizza...damn i wish i had some friggen pizza.....well i think that i will go scrounge around to see what i have to eat...i already know that theres not much...damn i wish we had some food, i also wish that i had something to do....damn it!!!!
hey all...here is alley tally and im excited about my hair...muhahahahaha pretty alley,well not really but meh i can hope so how aboot those mets?they won the world seris i hear?? well then if you put it that way
so anywayz oi to the world!!!!!!!!and god came down on christmas day and i'd know exactly what i'd say, oi to teh punks oi to teh skins oi to teh world and everybody wins
im bored but excited so here it stands, im tempted to shave my head....but i wont,,,i want to again tho, all i have to say is get with it man......im so bored im so very bored so bored so bored...."and iam still a lonley man, burning in love!!!" *sung totally off key* now im listening to supertramp, man i should listen to something cooler but meh i like me...ya right, ya right ya bloodly well right...muahahahhahhaa so yeh im done now,,,i feel like listening to queen but meh too lazy to get "a night at the opera" so now im listening to deep purple, my daddy took me to see them last june nugent and lynyrd skynyrd were on teh bill too, great show really was (thanks daddy) yeh so its been such a long day...been up since eight, which is MAD early pour moi....waking up that early aint healthly for people like me....damn burnouts...my parting words are..."so should we just quit? (no its not kewl to run) well ya know i think shes right lets show em how its done, cause its not just a matter of staright of holding your ground, its all about your crew and the vibe you put down, so if were all here, whats this aboot a bad day? were not gonna take it sitting down, NO WAY!!"
hey i did absolutely nothing today. fun times... although i have had nice chats with people today... such as britt and keith. people who arent always the ones who i chat with. recomend both i had a good time talking to both. One thought that has came to me lately a lot is how its so important to listen to people rather than always talking. It truly can be a maturing and enlightning experience. That way you take in words and thoughts rather than spurting them out all the time. I do this to often. Speak without really thinking first. Its one of those shoot first ask questions later type things... i think. well i just was thinking... pondering...i really learn a lot from people. Oh and a good person to talk to is brandi!! haha most compatible friend....
and before i head off/..... i recomend the book "the diving bell and the butterfly" its really interesting. im reading it now... quite fascinating... its about a french guy( he was practically a genious... a very intelligent man) who had a stroke . After the stroke he couldnt communicate other than blinking with one eye...so he wrote this whol book through a scribe and communicated words by going letter by letter through a 'blinking techinique' and writes this amazing book. any way i dont wanna ruin the story but i think its cool. try to figure out what the name really means....think about it *nudge nudge*

I really should read my posts before i publish them... oh the typos i make....

Friday, February 15, 2002

HEY ALL IM HERE NOW....im wrecked, im trying to listen to music but i dont think i nkow how. yeh so daves not here....but us her ever? well renee is susposed to walking over so thats all kewl ansd shit and life is so grand sometimes? eh santa?but yeh its all goin good, the gheart tumo8r hasd momentarly left thasnks to modern invenrtion.....but yeh where id the music go? there it is, got a worried there...sio how is the blue bench crew thwse days? these sad sad days....i can heatr peoploels voices ansd i know they are after me...i see dragons, pretty dragons like trhat guy in mulan.....hello dragons *hi alley*(they call out in unsion) ya cant fight the moonlight everyone lets all dance in teh styreets and sing songs of joy and aerosmith...i wishni could dance, qait no i dont...i wanna swim tho...that will be my summer gaol...learn to swim dear alley, im talking to sonja on msn aint this talentrd of me? i hear sometihn gim scared people atre coming
hey ya...whats up? not much here..reading steelovaries....a great site..i complety agree with this woman...heres something from her site, that i couldnt put better........I figure romance is not about the flowers and the cards and the chocolates, it is about cooking me dinner when I've had a rough day. It is about offering to rub my feet if I've been running around buying groceries. Romance for me is in the little everyday things a person does without me asking. Romance is buying me a handbag last week because he thought I'd like it because it had a secret compartment. Romance is him spending an hour folding laundry because I hate doing it. Romance is him getting up out of bed at 2am to close the window because I'm feeling cold and don't want to get out of bed - actually that might classify as True Love.

i just think thgat she is soo great...ill write more later

Thursday, February 14, 2002

hey everybody, its me al again...im in a really bad mood my head feels like its gonna explode but besides that im doin just fine, stoned right now...nothing new i guess i really have nothing to say at all, aint it sad???im watching barbie commericials i wish my hair would turn pink if you put me under water :| ya blaring music which aint helpin the head but it makes me feel like im floating so its good....theyre growing dope asll around tyhe block you can smeell it and you can tell by the way they talk just so ya know I have the munchies a nd shit gui, gonna pig out soon,,hmm what should i have?PASTA OR PIZZA BOTH!!!! oh god my head hurts is this natural??????im tempted to smash my head on the counter, but meh too lazy i'll do it laterere remember everyoner, youi got just what you wanted

Wednesday, February 13, 2002

hey all. posting again, havent for a while. my time on the computer has been rather limited lately. so i was gonna go to worl but then i got a huge migraine so i went home. it was weird my whole body went numb and i couldnt see properly cuz i kept seeing dots. prolly not the greatest. neway yeah vday coming up. man if only these holidays werent so over rated. see cuz everyone else makes a big deal it sucks for me cuz im soooo allloooonne someone hold me! *tear* but neway yeah ive been feeling rather out of place. it doesnt seem like i fit in newhere i go. it sucks man. and yeah every1 is a good friend to me but the fact that im a christian makes me kinda not completely there.im not sure if i make sense but i mean im the only one. and for some reason thats the religion that everyone(i kno im exaggerating) feels the need to ridicule. and i never completely felt in place at church either. its a sad thing really. just another teen misfit. man ive been thinking so much lately. sorry about making this a complete place for venting. im also upset renee... we never really hang out anymore just you and me. what happened? i guess my insecurities make me feel like im replaced. argh i can explain what im feeling. man and guess who failed their G1 test! haha ur looking at her... well i guess u cant but obviously its me. how sad oh well i will go for it on the 22nd again. well finally: literacy test. how i feel? man its SUCH a waste of time. really i dont understand. its just a way for ontario students to be more unified or something. well neway i am a rambling again. this is usually the time to draw things to a close. well guess thats it. i think i might have a better weekend this week. i dunno its a feeling
peace
well hello again...you know you love how i post so often, espically when i have nothing to say...kinda like now...oh well, i've said it before and i'll say it again...no one is forcing you too...so it doesnt look like im going to go to sleep anytime soon....damn!!!!maybe i'll just be taking some of my lovely codine....i love codine....anyway.....i don't like valentine's day, but i think that it would be cute if someone did something..*hint hint*ALLEY im looking in your direction........i don't see why we still celebrate this holiday...do we really need a holiday to show that we care, or love someone....i don't think so...anyway, while on the topic i dunno, i'm not being very showy with my feelings, actually i'm being a big brat...i know i know....alley i think that i show more affection towards you than i do towards keith....i thik that tahts rather sad....oh well i love you moose....notice how all my blogs are about me, all my poems have the word i in them...I have to do this....I haven't slept....I'm renee a big selfish jerk.....I, ME, I, ME, i, Me............i reallly wish that i werent so selfish....there i go again........im leaving.........grrrrrr....
~blessings and moonlight~

Tuesday, February 12, 2002

hey one and all...i just got back from pizzahut...alley treated us... man i can pack it away...i had 5 peices of greek pizza, in which alley took some feta cheese and smeared it on me...3 huge plates of salade, 2 plates of fettichine alfredo, and i wont even count how many peices of garlic bread...i know real attractive....i am taking back my title of being the bottomless pit!!!umm, what else can i say, keith was supposed to come over to my house, but he didn't cause he had to go to a play thingy....*angry fist*....i just found out that my father is buying me a cell phone, as a surprise...a fido...the really sad thing is is that im not excited at all. not in the bloody least...i could really care less....i know that i sound like a big brat...oh well eventually i'll be happy....wow, i look like im pregant....not a pretty picture....so very tired...and i have to be at school tommorow morning at 6:45 am, for the outers club...that should be fun....i'm going to be so tired...i also have to figure out where the northwest cornor of the school is....oh well i really want to go take a nap right now, but my mom will yell at me to get up.....soooo tired!!!!!! man if i could sleep standing up, that would be the life....zzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, February 11, 2002

hello....well lets see what has happened in my so called life....umm lets see....well in civics i fell into an almost deep sleep....it was great...umm what else....umm, i have a fake septic ring in my nose at the moment....for anyone who knows what im talking about, im quitting everything that i do....ummi badly need to dye my hair....well tommorow is the buy out, and keith said that he would come over to my house.....i really have got nothing to blog about.....

Sunday, February 10, 2002

well i really need to learn to do my homework...oh well...i was out to dinner with my dad today to celerbrate my sisters birthday...so we went to east side mario's...the food was great, and the service was fast and wonderful...my dad is really the worst person to go with...he was complaining because they charged him for a cup of coffee, which he did have, so my sister throws $2 at him so that he wouldnt complain to the waitress..he gets so worked up...then he was going to leave a $2 tip, he asks us if we thought taht he was being fair..i told him no..we had great service.so my sister throws some change down...my father is a BIG complainer...i dont think that he should care so much...he got to eat a good dinner and spend some time with his daughters...money isnt everything... back when i was still working at coffee time *shudder shudder* if i wanted to go to the north end after work i would shell out up to $20 a night to get there, even if it was only for a couple hours...i mentioned it yes, but truthfully i didnt care...i was willing to pay to see my friends...i had good times when i was with them, i dont regret spending my money on transportation...

i know you will alley...you're a strong person, and i believe that with all my heart...i care about you thats why i worry, and i want to see you happy...but if youre not then please dont prented to be...i can usually tell anyway, but...its just in my nature...
blessings and moonlight
I Just wanna say a few things ok??? sometimes things go horribly wrong, sometimes i get really upset and it may take weeks to be happy again but i will get happy again...im happy now...well sorta...but thats not the point, whether im hapy or not i'll be fine.i just wish i didnt hurt so bad
hi all...look alley youre my bestfriend, you know deep down that you are....i love you dearly moose...dont ever worry about burdening me...i want to hear whats going on in your head, and please dont worry about me...im going for councling soon, 3 weeks and she gets back from her vaction...alley there is nothing that you could do to make me EVER give up on you...i know its hard to believe sometimes, i really do...but i will always be there for you...you can tell me anything alley...and christina that goes for you too...i think that most of us really do need professional help...we've all been/going through alot lately and to come...not only with what we've experinced as a group, but as well as what we're each setperaltly going through....it cant hurt...ive still gotta wait a couple of weeks before i get to see my professional helper, but hey.....christina....i dont know what say, i dont really have any advice for you, and if i did, i wouldnt suggest taking it...umm...what else can i say???

well i had some really weird dreams last night....at one point i was a taxi driver...don't ask....but anyways i recently got back from charly's house...good times...played video games, watched some anime, editing stuff, music videos....good times...
well in the least if you need a hug, or someone to talk to, im here.....try to get some sleep

Saturday, February 09, 2002

man how can we ever get out of these pits of depressiong and paranoia. i was so worried last night. drugs+night+lake=bad. i was terrified. have i acted strange towards you alley? im worried about you yes but after reading what you wrote its not without reason. me and brandi have decided that we need proffesional counceling. we just keep getting pulled back down its a visious cycle. never appologize for who you are. i wish i could have been with u and ur dinner date but im still exausted and unwell. the nights are the weirdest. all day im tired yet i cant get to sleep. and when i sleep i always dream before all this crap happened i hadnt dreamed for a while/. its weird how are minds are. i am quite intreaged by them. im trying not to worry about this coming week. its gonna be difficult. the one month. valentines day etc. i was talking to brandi about relationships actually/ my problem is i dont kno what i want. its so confusing. i think that i want a relationship now but if i get the opportunty i think i may just let it pass me by like always. after the opportunity is gone i feel like kicking myself/ were all so confused. im so confused/. write me if u have ne advice. assuming u understood what i just wrote.
hope things get better
later
I Feel so paranoid, why is everyone acting all weird around me??? everyone cept for renee and danille are treating me differtley, what did i do? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO? whenever im asked how i am, and i answer excellent, no one believes me or if i say not ok everyone starts asking me all these questions? i feel like theres this huge funny inside joke goin on and it just goes over my head*whoosh* "now old friends are acting strange, they shake thier heads tehy say i've changed'"...whats going on? oh god please someone tell me, im worried about brandi, i think somethings wrong and sonja and lynsdie and renee too, im scared alright???im not afraid of alot of things ok? im really not, but this whole situastion is scaring the fuck outta me, why do i feel like the bad guy huh? WHY AM I TO BLAME? WHY AM I ALWAYS TO BLAME???????you are all plotting againist arent you? you all really hate me dont you???just tell me teh truth...why do you all hate me??whats happening??? im sorry for what i am im sorry im so sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry please dont hate me everyone, i cant stand being alone anymore, my head hurts and i feel like i have no human contact, please dont hate me, i dont deserve to be hated do i?...maybe i do....
i feel like crying, havent cried in a while....oh please i know im a pathetic freak that everyone secretly dislikes but please dont leave me, i cant take being left again,i know im a horrible person but please dont leave me, i dont have anyone else, everyone is whitby has given up on me, even they left me, if i lose you guys i have nothing left, im sorry i dont talk about what bothers me to yuo brndi and renee, i just dont want to burden you and then have you hate me, see now im crying, in fourth grade i had no friends, and every nite i prayed toi god (this was before my beliefs were robbed from me) to let him give me a friend, i didnt care who, just a human being who didnt call me names. thats all i ever wanted, i dont like to be called names, they make me cry, im bawling rite now, in fifth grade i finally got a real friend, then she betrayed me, and got the popular people to follow me home, and they stood about 5 feet behind me and threw rocks at me all teh way the home, no one remembered my 13th birthday, and no boy has ever told me im pretty. i dont know why i just wrote that im just in pain and i dont know waht to do, cause none of my friends are home and even if they are, they couldnt help me, ya know sometimes all i need is a hug, and sometimes that jsut too much to ask...but whatever im gonna go now, please dont hate me, please dont leave me, i know im horrible and stupid and ugly and wrong but its hard for me to make friends and sometimes i get really lonely,just please dont leave em, i can only take so much rejection.
all i ever wanted was to be loved and to be considered someone's best friend. was that too much to ask? look no one take this seroiusly ok? im fine im just upset...just im fine ok? fine fien fine fien finefine fienfinefine
hello one and all...yeah weekends are starting to suckass...im in complete agreement with you lyndise. well lastnight we got lost, actually seperated, but then we re-group after a gruling 45 minutes...and what will happen tonight?!? i dunno i'm hoping to go out for dinner...we're over due for our monthly date of dinner...we're still trying to figure out what to do afterwards...well me and alley have figured out our half of the date...last night i had a spectactular sleep...and the weirdest dreams...im not going to even begin. but i will say that i was a taxi driver at one point...i was just cuddling with my boy...my boy being my little cousin john...he's 7, he's been my boy all his life...i cuddle with a lot of people..last night i was cuddling/sleeping on alley..the weekend before i was cuddling with sonja...man im a cuddly person...oh well i like it...i want to go to the raven and firkin...dress up like freaks in dresses..oh yeah....i need to re-dye my hair.....
there are horrors in this world, i whispered, it is made up of mystery and dependant upon mystery. if you would have peace go back to the hives lose your huamn shape and descend again, fragmented into the mindless life of the contented bees from which you rose. if you would have fleshly life, human life, hard life which can move throgh time and space, then fight for it. if you would have human philosophy then struggle and make yourself hard so that nothing can hurt you ever and you become wise. collect yourself whatever you are into something witha purpose, BUT KNOW THIS:ALL IS SPECUALTION UNDER THE SKY, ALL MYTH ALL RELIGION ALL PHILOSOPHY ALL HISTORY IS LIES.
"BLACK HOLE SUN WONT YOU COME, TO WASH AWAY ALL THIS PAIN, WONT YOU COME..."
"SO TIRED THAT I COULDNT EVEN SLEEP, SO MANY SECRETS I COULDNT KEEP, PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULDNT WEEP, ONE MORE PROMISE THAT I JUST COULDNT KEEP, IT SEEMS NO ONE CAN HELP ME NOW, IM IN TOO DEEP THERES NO WAY OUT...CAN YA HELP ME TO REMEMBER HOW TO SMILE, CAN YA SOMEHOW AMKE SEEM WORTH WHILE, HOW ON EARTH DID I GET SO JADED, LIFES A MYSTERY THAT SEEMED SO FADED...GOT a TICKET FOR A RUNAWAY TRAIN, LIKE A MAD MAN LAUGHING IN THE RAIN, LITTLE OUT OF TOUCH, LITTLE INSANE, ITS JUST EASIER THAN DEALING WITH THE PAIN..."
"EVERY LITTLE THING ABOUT THIS TELLS ME ,THERES NOTHING UT THERE THATS EVER GONNA HELP ME"

Friday, February 08, 2002

check it out i just did those quizzes too!! fun times... i just realized how often i say that its a lot. oh well. so bleh im so tired of dullness. the only class that brings me happiness is art. i finshed my dragon and the burning castle! yes ppl must think im a pyro. muhahaa. so today i did a tackle havent done one in a while. i was @ nicks house and we were outside playing wih his snowboard thing and he turned his head and whap! it was fun i also was playing on his room... ooooo i was in a boys room!! well i sure hope were doing stuff tonite. i think brandis picking me up. im itching to go to a concert tho. i REALLY wanna go i think ive been bugging ppl all day about that. man u guys post so often!! whats with this and past lifes and renees giant theory again. lol renee u and ur crazy madball theories. u guys being vampires well im the dark angel!! heehee i love playing with my braids theyre so springy and colourful. but neway enough rambleing. i think its cyz of sugar. thats what i like about nick hes akwasy got candy
well brandis picking me up so i gotta jet.
i will remember to complain about stuff later haha u love to hear me whine! and more controversy coming up!!



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heres the thing, i get alot of crap for some of the choices i have made. i am not gonna deny that i live recklessly, that i live life hard....but if i choose to spend all my $ on certain things ( you know what im talking aboot) than itsd my fucking choice...live while im alive and sleep when im dead. ok????ya sometimes im just not ok, but all i want is to be left alone with my pain and my subtances alright????
yeh sometimes im a bad girl, but just leave me alone when it comes to this alright???no matter what happens to me, i just wanna curl up inside myslef and hope for the best with a few things to make me laugh in this hard, hard times ok???
i'll be alright, just leave me the fuck alone.
here iam again, yeh i sure do blog alot dont i????? but whatever its NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!!! yeh renee i think i was elf in a past life as well as a vampire, this life im a hobbit tho...damn shortness,curly hair and weird feet.....iam eating a sub rite noww....so waht are the plans tonite ladies??? hhmmmm how aboot ganja????....im gonna take some quizzes be rite back, dont leave me!!!
appartley i am the intensine and that im not too bright....and im teh duracell bunny oh dear....paece my dear blue bench crew....
AND IM NOT SORRY

Thursday, February 07, 2002




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hey moose, i like how you post almost as much as i do!!!!!!way to be! i like you....i too want to be a vampire, but im not the one who sharpens her teeth *cough cough* i have always wanted to be a elf...i mean even when you think about my concept of the world, and how we're really just some giants play toy...like barbies....thats one of the reasons of why i have incredibly short hair...i think taht i look more elfish...i love elfish looks....and the pointed ears...it also explains the funny coloured hair...yes i was orginalty born with pink hair....well not in my human form, but in the elf form...moose you may have been pandora in a past life but i have been an elf, a dolphin, cat, lousia may alcott....thats right all of them...i truly do believe in fairys and elfs, and all of that.....hey good old winter picnic, yes i am really the queen anne....whats happening tommorow?
are we dying your hair this weekend alley????? so many questions, to much time to ponder
here iam again and i have been thinking aboot "lord of the rings"...shut up renee i know i always think aboot lord of the rings, hell legolas is my fucking screen saver....but yeh, i used to want to be a vampire more than anything, and yes that is still a main goal...but i want to be an elf, like gladreiel, the elf queen of the wood, not arwen damn liv tyler ruined for me (by the way i know who stina is crushing on...)but yah i want to be gladreiel because she is the queen of elves, therefore my chances with legolas increases greatly, shes pretty, she tall, shes blonde (all things of course im not :(...)shes just so flippin kewl. also shes has one of the rings of power that were originally given out to the oldest and wisest of the elves (*cough*that would be me)and its just kewl, i stioll wanna be the goddess pandora, the vampire queen but pandora has unfortuanatley sunk in a reclusive lifestyle, therefore i have become glandriel....any questions? Glandriel Greenleaf, hhhmmmmi like the sound of that,,,well see ya all tomorow, brandi i hope you feel better (no cough syrup for you my dear), yes ren i am the hostess today and you are merely the hamburger maker muhahahahaha stina my dear, one day we will find b'f that love us and care for us, and if that doesnt work than we'll marry eachother, (we's a ho!)
love ya all,
CRUSH EM.
well seeing as alleys going to be your hostess today, that leaves me being a guest...thank you for posting....it makes me feel better!!!
why does everyone keep asking me if i'm ok, or whats wrong? do i seem like somethings wrong? oh well....anyway, i think that i'll go vist my uncle on saturday...i've been so very tired lately....it seems as though everyone lately has got some issue with relationships, or lack of one...well i want to know who your crushing on...but i guess that i'll find that out now...yeah i agree wearing masks really does suck...i try not to wear one, but it happens...it really does suck when you dont want to smile, but you do anyway... well hopefully this weekend will be better than last weeks...oh well...i want to cheer people up...if you need to be cheered up, tell me what i can do...(no sexual favors unless theres a mule involed) hahah...i love my odd secnce of humor....my older sister's birthday is tommorow....the big 17...well i really dont have much to say....
here iam yet again, iam your hostess today, alley tally would you like fries with that???but now that iam here....fuck your party im skating home....sorry about that....it happens.....here i am i say. HERE TO STAY....i was really upset today cause of my lack of boyfriend....i havent had a b/f since june of last year, aint that sad?but wahtever you dont need to hear aboot my woes and failures do you?????i hope not...i am so bored but i wanna go cause yeh math hmwk awaits, yes the lonley freak is going to do math hmwk, not that it matters or anything
hey renee im posting again i am. whats this constant thing. its an addiction that our group shares, we get relient on this to keep our minds occupied. i wish i would more relevent things to talk about. i think a whole lot of us are feeling bleak about the whole relationship thing. i neverkno what i want. i usually wait till oportunity passes me by. gr 9 was better cuz ur new u meet a whole bunch of new ppl now all the guys i kno are like friends and taken. i wish i had a better idea of what i wanted. i kinda have a crush on someone now. i dont kno how to act now. i hate relationships. they never seem to work out for me. if u insist on knowing who the person is i have a crush on (not like many of u care) may ask i just dont feel like posting it for all to see. ive been trying to figure out what i truly feel. its such a complex thing our thoughts and emotions. one of lifes mysteries. but i hate it i always feel like im wearing a mask. like im a big phoney. well at least i have my art and music. well id rather not continue on like this. yes renee to the conrroversial issues. i too am against abortion. to me its murder!
later
hey all again...but wait...its another day, and renees still up....what a surpise! no not really...good old not sleeping...meh it gives me more time to do other things...i'd beworking on my model car right now but the fumes seem to bother teh sleeping people in my house...stina everytime someone on here posts an opinion i think that the next person should have to write their opinion about that perticule topic as well...so bascilly we're looking at renee pulling opinions out of her ass....i do do that alot, and im not very good at it, but i try...you know what pissed me off today...i was just taking a bath when i realized that i was sitting in less then lukewarm water...so i turn on the hotwater tap, and of course its ice cold...so it forced me to either sit in relitively cold water or take this tiny tupperware thing that we have in there and take the hot water from the sink and put in in thetub, i had to do this many a time....now most of you would probably just get out of the tub, but not me damn it....i like the bathroom, i'd have to say that it's my favourtie room in the house....now youre all just thinking that im just a really odd kid with a shoe fetish (well maybe not the last bit) well to tell you the truth i am an odd kid, but sorry no shoe fetish..anyway back to the point...i like the bathroom because you can sit in a tub, which is as close to a pool that im getting...i love the water...i love being on water, i love being in water, i love drinking water....but anyway...(add much) its just so quite in there, its rare that anyone bothers you while your in there...i can have candles in there...i enjoy it...good place just to kick back adn bath...i like to be clean....anyway, what else can i say taht will either scare you or make you stop coming to this site? not that i really care...the only people that i know of that come here ona regualr basis besides me is stina...im sure that some of you come to see what we're copying of someones elses from time to time...but i dont really give a fiddlers fart....thats right, if it had been a celloist then maybe, but no not a fiddler....anyway, now im just rambling...im good at that...well im going to go now, i'll probably be back in a while....

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

well i competly agree with you stina...but what to throw my opinion out on you about.....i guess i'll go for abortition...
ok about abortation, im not quite sure how to spell it so be perpared for change...
i am against abortition because i dont think that its right to take away a potential life form...if your ready to have sex then be perpared for the consiquences.rechearch what you dont know, know the consiquences before you do anything...becoming pregant is a risk...if you arent ready to handle the responsibilitys then dont have sex...the only time that i think that abortion is good is if its rape, with rape half of that child is his..you may abuse that child if born, and take out your aggression of the act that the father did to you on the child...the kid is going to look like him...if you have sex adn you get pregant if you cant suport the child how it should be cared for then give it up for adoption...dont get an abortion because it might have a deasie...that child could mean the world to someone...you dont know what it could accomplish....i have been reading some womens rights web pages and some people say that making an abortion illeagle is taking a step backwards with women rights, that its the choice of the woman...well men cant bear childern so its not an egality thing here...the woman may have to bear the pain of having a child, but you dont have any idea how much love that child could bring to someone...i'm not truly sure where i stand with this one, but tahts what i happen to think...
welcome alley! welcome!!
can i say that ever enough well ur finally here. i dig but i am not there....at skool....with all of u *a tear* thats ok i got to sleep. well yeah im glad that u(renee) and keith are good now. that was a lil worrysome. but no more worries. well im sittin at home sick and it kinda sucks. ihate it. whats w/ the blue bench crew and our illness? weird stuff. yeah last night i was all depressed again. its not fun i wasthinking of so much. i even had poetry to write but i didnt even wanna write it down. i dont kno whats holding me back to write. ive been refusing myself for a while. the only good work ive done since jan is the story. but back to last night...i had some things in my head i should have wrote on paper but now since i woke up i cant remember it. oh well.
so life as a single gal... meh not much to say there have been for a while. but its ok cuz theyre are many ppl in that position. more fun times with the girls night. how come we never get nething on our guestbook. i think its time we said stuff more contraversial. come on renee tell ur feelings about homosexuality or racism. we could get a big discussin going. yes to being opinionated!! yeah so i have one beef on the pole. since when would u kick my ass? i think i should be doing some kicking of my own. i wanna fight someone comeon!!!!!! good ol violence. u wouldnt think of me as being "violent" but when u give me sugar watch out!! which reminds me. i have had no good tackles in a while... darn coldness. i cant wait till we resume our area on the hill.
later

Tuesday, February 05, 2002

yeaa alley....way to blog...yes alley for the thousandth time you HAVE OZZY TICKETS!!!!!!! i remember...silly stoner...anyway...don't be worried about me moose...i'll be ok...oh and the new news of the day on my relationship with keith...thats right you read that right there is a relationship to speak of....anyway...hee hee the good old tincans...you have got to love my abitity with the matchs, but moose no matter how good i am, please refrain from kissing me...onto mmore news...well when i got home from school i slept from 4-10.....i really am amazed...but then my mum was bitching at me for not staying up, because then i wont sleep tonight...i dont care if i dont sleep tonight, i slept this afternoon...thats right renee slept!!! oh yeah....well im going to go and try to make a better background for this blog....
yeh well here i am, here comes the Al-mis-ter....im finally added!!! yay!!!! well actually ive been added for a while probably but im a stoner so meh~everything takes a while to sink in. Grrrrr my commucation class sucks, damn preps, i mean really what were they thinking???history blows too, damn cindy *shudder shudder* life at the blue benches is a little awkard....but things will work out..they always do...well sometimes....i am just happy cause yeh i got a new computer....well not yet but its coming on thursday so its all good.BY THE WAY DID I TELL YOU ALL I HAVE OZZY TICKETS!? muhahahaha but whatever...so whats all this aboot Brandi and a surprise?? jeez no one tells me nothin.bastards, all of ya, well actually none of ya....but meh.....ren are you doing better??i am a little worried aboot you....maybe we should get together tommorow with some matches, a pop can and some green stuff eh?i hate skool, well science is fun, its my hilite of the day yay! unfortuanlatley i cant sit with keith anymore, damn you mr edwards....(turtle, natures suction cup *clonk*) fast times at ajax high eh???but whatever im gonna me, remember Alley Tally forever (aka Pandora Artemis).....

Monday, February 04, 2002

oh oh...who made a web poll all by her self!!!*does a little dance* oh im good!!!unhun unhun unhun
yeah....well i had fun dying brandi's hair on sunday...the two things that i do to get my mind off of stuff is sing and do hair....im haing the funnist conversation with scott right now...its about wheather emoticons can be blessed or not...but come to think of it we always have very interesting conversations....i dunno...you dont even want to know how sad this REALLY is...aurguring over emoticons....we will never grow up......yeah today was hard....i kept seeing him, and didnt know where to look so i basically hide behind people...yeah...i mean i talked to him last night on the net, like normal...but in person its sooo much harder...i dont want to avoid him...i mean he's been in my life for 2 1/2 years...like...gezz...well i really have to get over this paranoia of talking to him, and looking at him....this has got to get better...GAH!!! anyway....well i have nothing more to say...see ya

Sunday, February 03, 2002

hey all i havent posted in a while its been mainly renee... haha makes me think of themainy cheese store...but yeah renee i havent hung out w/ u ALL weekend buh! i would have liked to last night but i was tired fr a mad day of shopping. i got pants which were a steal of a deal. theyre soooo big its AWESOME. well yeah i brought back the fire by popular demand, also it was pretty cool hair. i enjoy it. aww renee gah stupid keith with the break.. oh well i guess it makes sense tho. just a lil time to see waht its like to be single. i am single aswell. HOORAY for us. well ive got a headache and it sucks and im headed off to some superbowl thing. ha i only found who was even playnig to day. patriots and rams... man the whole thing is so... american, well gotta jet.
peace
well this is it...we're offically on a break...for about a month...not because he wants to date the girl....but we can date other people...which i wont be doing, and he's not planning on it...and i can still run up and hug him....man this is gonna be akward....oh well maybe when its over we'll both be a little more stable, and want to be in a relationship.....anyway.....gonna go dye brandi's hair today....should be fun...good old crazy colours...finnished scrubbing the tub...im always scrubbing someones tub....meh, good excersize....well yeah what else can i say...i want to go back to toronto and cheak out where i used to live and hang out....see if my swing set is still up...see the old gang, well whose left of it...go ice skating....could be fun....well im going to go watch a funny movie that charley wants me to see....

Saturday, February 02, 2002

its me yet again.....hello one hello all....im at lyndsie's house....alleys tanked....meh...its good times(kinda) not really...well i still havent talked to him yet...angry fist.....well i dunno....i really dont want to go on a break with keith....i mean i REALLY don't want to....i dont know if i'd be able too....and i want to know if after this break are we getting back together????if so, how long is it gonna be like that....i dunno....i really dont like this sitution.....i just want to give him a great big hug.....why cant i take his pain from him????anywhichway....i dunno, its completly occuping my mind......cant get it out of head...*hits her head in fustration
* i was just got a really bad hand cramp, or something...haha, alleys hilirous when shes stoned...hahahah, shes so funny...i keep hitting enter after i write something. to much msn......hahah, good ole clerks....ummmmm....blahblha blah...really need to talk top keith....blah blah blah.....no fun
so i just got back from visting with my uncle eddie..he's doing alot better than i expected...well he wasnt hooked up to machines and stuff...he just looks really weak and stuff....he's on a drug very simeral to morphine....so he's not in pain...im glad...he lives 2 doors down from krista, so i think that i'll vist him more often...im always up there anyways.....i love my uncle eddie....so i've calmed down about the keith thing...i'll do whatever to make him happy...and if this is what makes him happy then so be it....this isnt about me, soo...yeah....not that it doesnt bother me...because believe me it does...but yeah...if this is what he wants then so be it...i have a tendency to cling to people when i'm going through stuff, so watch out....and he needs his space...i'd rather that this not happen, but....im not the one dealing with his problemes...nor is he dealing with mine.....man...what a day...what a year....i hope 2002 gets better.....dont know what else to say....love you all......

Friday, February 01, 2002

so you know how i said that i thought that me and keith were alright....big suprise...so i was reading what keith wrote on extra potential "I think relationships are the most annoying thing in the world...I think i need a break from one. I'm definitely going to think about that.
End of chapter." -keith.....so you might see where i am in this situation.....so i dont know what thats supposed to mean...and on top of all that i have to go see my uncle tommorow....i really dont need this...and now apperently he's sleeping...which i dont believe for a second...what can i say, im crying my eyes out....have been all week... i just want this fixed...... i just want to know what the hell is ghoing on....its not like him to break something up on a public blog....he said that he'd be thinking about it....i dont know...i am probably jumping to conclusions....maybe, but really what are you supposed to think when you read something like that?
and in the possion that we're in....i dunno....maybe he really doesnt love me anymore.....i dunno....but whatever he meant by it, i want him to know that it hurts like a bitch.....i dont know what to say anymore....is there really anything that i can say?
i hate when me and keith argue....we never resolve anything....damn being stubborn... i usally just end up feeling like a bigger ass then i already did..not to mention crying like crazy...i never know how things really are with us.i just want us to have a good relationship...not that we don't, but we go through high points followed by low points....which really sucks...and contray to my sisters popular belief we are not always fighting...usally only when we're both stressed out....i dunno....i always take all my fustrations out on him...mean while all my other friends get the humor and doing stupid things to please others person...i have no idea why he stays with me...i just bitch at him...i guess because he knows that no matter what i still love him...and i guess that theres the good times...just gotta pull through the bad...i dunno, im no expert on relationships....i just really want to cuddle up on a couch and watch a movie with him....that would make me feel so much better...then i would know if we are ok or not...i think taht we are...we're far from being on the rocks or anything...i just need that reassurance....im needy that way...always need to be reassured... with everything...mostly that ppl still love me...no words needed, just a good hug...right outs the blue...i'm such a fan of hugs...nothing beats them, well except cuddling...i'm a very phycical person...i like to be close with the ones that i love...i mean i'd rather be squached on a couch with my bestbuds, then we all have our own seprate chair 1 meter away from eachother....just the cloesness...its like you can feel the love just going through one person right to teh next, it runs through our veins...i hold hands with my friends and kiss them on teh cheek. it means nothing, just that i am very comfortable with that person, and i'm showing affection for them....knowing that someone loves you no matter what you do, will heal all wounds...not saying that you wont get upset. but being with people that you love and taht love you will heal....thats one of the reasons that i love my friends, were so open about how we all feel towards eachother...i mean at the beginging of this blog i was all upset,and crying...now im sitting here as calm as can be, smiling...the power of love, its not in words, its in actions....i know that keith loves me but just the little things that he does..making sure that im comfortable....keeping me warm...compaininy...knowing little things about me...like how i like tea...its all about the little things that tell you weather a person is true or not...even works with friends....now that i think about it....i know that me and keith are alright...we'll deal however we see fit...we may fight from time to time, but we're ok in person....yeah, i love him, and i know that he loves me....took me long enough to realize that you dont always have to say anything.....