quick update

alright so heres a quick update

I got my wisedom teeth out on tuesday. it was painful but at least they put me out. when I came to i was thanking everyone. oh man.
then i had the week off and for the first 2 days ate nothing but apple sauce. then the 3 and 4 day I ate nothing but smushy shreddies with apple juice. (can you tell i like apples?!?)
then saturday night i ate some real food. by sunday night I was actually hungry and ate a huge plate of spegetti, it was awesome!!!

but unfortunalty no one called or came and visted me, including lance, whom i got back together with on the 17th. so eventually the only person who called me was work. and at least they didnt call me to come into work, but just to see how i was doing. i love the people at my work!
anyway, but i ended up calling lance saturday night and breaking up with him for the last time. I explained to him that it was kind of a big deal for him not to call or visit me at all for a week, and that how it just really went to show how much he truely cared about me. but i still love him to death. but it's just time, we're great as friends, but we just cant go any further in a relationship. I just cant do it anymore. not saying that its all his fault, its not anyones fault. we're just both at completely different points in our life. which i really hope he understands. but i still love him, and honestly we work out awesomely as friends, so i hope eventually we can be friends again, cause i would really miss him. well i do really miss him, butits really for the best.
damn he just came on, but i know i cant talk to him. or i'll cry.

anyway, I've decided that its high time I start a new life for myself.
I'm done highschool, and im going to college next year.
so im getting rid of friends who only want to be friends when they need me.
And im not going to let people use me anymore. apparetly im too gentle and everyone takes avantage of that. so screw them, im through being nice.

oh man its so hard not to cry right now
ah screw it, im aloud to cry i dated him for 9 months.
its hard not to talk to him, but i cant, i just cant

screw the rest of this post too

this blows

Missing class, cause I can't see Lance right now.
Damn this is hard
Lance broke up with me on Saturday. then he text messaged me later saying that he loved me and if we could get back together. So I msged him back saying that I loved him, but no, we couldnt. Because if we were going to be breaking up every couple of weeks then, ya know. there must be reasons. and that we each need our own time.
And the really crappy thing was that I was considering breaking up with him later on, but then that night I decided that I didnt really want to break up with him.
So , I dont know, its fucking hard.
Sometimes I'm ok, and others, im not. Like right now for instences.
I dont know what im going to do without him, cause I love him so much, and I know that he loves me. And all I want right now is to hug him.

3 years

"life is one big question when your staring at the clock"

"A 40oz to freedom is the only chance I have to feel good even though i feel bad"

"We're only gonna die from our own arrogance that's why we might as well take our time..."

---Sublime

this is me at 1:40 in the morning

arg. I dont even know where to begin, so im not going to.
I realize that i have to be the worst conversationalist ever! I can't talk to you unless we're actually doing something (playing pool, video games) or there's a group of people. or im intoxicated.
otherwise theres too much pressure. And if I dont happen to know you all that well, then I have no idea what to talk about, without making myself sound like an idoit. Which usually happens anyway, but at least I try. And it makes everything even more difficult if the other person doesn't talk either, and uses the excuse that its because your not talking. Mad pressure I tell you.
It makes things difficult, like meeting people. Even with people I know, and who i'm good friends with, I have a hard time coming up with something to talk about. It sucks ass.

I've also come to realize that its really important to have friends who aren't all in the same group. And it's great to have girlfriends. Which is really weird coming from me, seeing as I've always hung out with guys. I guess its just a different type of friendship. But its good and needed.

I also have come to the great realization that if I have to get my damn wisedom teeth removed.
Stupid teeth, being stupid and painful.

And over the holidays, since I had really weird sleeping habits, I missed taking a lot of my meds. And so I have been assured that I do in fact need them, and should really take them on a regular basis.

On yet another note, I am sleeping less and less. And I am on the computer more and more in the middle of the night.
AND IF MY GODDAMN JAW LOCKS ONE MORE FUCKING TIME, I'M GOING TO FREAK!!!

Gah. I don't even know right now. I hate being torn between things. Between descisions.

I cant wait until this semester finally ends. Im so sick of school. Its not even like I go to socialize.

On the upside, on the 23 im going to toronto and am either getting another tattoo or a vertical industral piercing.

Well since no one interesting is one, well actually more like anyone I have anything to say to.
I might as well go and try to sleep for a while.