ahh, now that christmas is over, i dunno...
I miss Tyler. We decided to take a week for time to ourselves, and he would call me on monday. well I'm kinda glad that we took some time, cause it made me realise that I love him so much. I can't even begin to explain. And that I was being really immature the past month. I know he's busy and tired. and if I can only see him once a week, then I'm damn happy that I'm seeing him once a week. I really want to call him or e-mail him and tell him that I'm sorry, and that I love him. But he deserves the whole week to himself, and so I'm just going to have to wait. I haven't even been cring much this week, well I cried the first 2 days, but after that, I've just been constently thinking about him, and how much I love him. Scarily enough, I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't even have the desire to be with anyone but him. I just want to be with him. I really hope he feels the same way, and I hope he doesn't need anymore time for himself. As selfish as that seems, I just want to be there to well, just be there. Two more days....God it seems like forever. . .

ahh
I finally got my computer and msn back!!!! yea!!!!!
and I'm back at school, my flu is getting better.
and I found my favorite nail polish, that I could have used for grad photo's.
Everyone at work is sick, except for 2 people, and one is out with her back. I could have picked up so many shifts this week.
and for things with Tyler. Well he kinda explained his reasoning for being grumpy, and it makes, sense , but I wished that he would have told me that earlier, so that I wouldn't have freaked out and gotten so upset. its still kinda upsetting, but at least I know that its not that he doesn't like me anymore. and he got another job so I won't see him nearly as much as I used to, but hey, it might not be such a bad thing, or it could make things even worse. i dunno yet.
goddamn my complusion to try and save my work, even though I know that I can't save this with short keys, yet I do it anyway....bah!
and now I have a test on Fifth Business. what fun!
Christmas shopping tonight, I gotta find something to put in my Nanny's sock....yeah besides feet, smartass.
the bell is about to go.

I just did ,my english ISU presentation, I think I did ok. I'll pass that class. But I also realized what an idoit I've been...I've been doing all sorts of work for my english lit. class, when Im failing horribly anyway, and I don't even need that class, so instead of doing my work for english class, I do work for lit, cause I like it better. meh...
tonight is midnight madness at my work, it shall be insane, but I'm only working until 9, so i won't be at the store setting up at 2 am.
I dyed my hair brownish/alburn last night. It doesn't look too bad. It makes me look a little older than i did with the purple hair.
I don't really have any sort of issues to talk about right now.
My typing is getting faster and with less spelling errors.
dum de dum dum dun.... *whittles a walking stick*

ahhh. neck/ back pain.....I need someone to pull my neck and someone to pull my feet , and hopefully everything will align...
things seem to be fine with Tyler now. it's really weird how things just magically became better. theres a few things that are kinda bugging me, but theyre small matters, and im going to pick my battles. So much work to do!!
so Jen finally got rid of the wheelchair. so she no longer can milk it as much.
hey hey, I found out that if you press Ctrl + d then it puts in the date. hahah why do I keep finding all these quick keys? haha oh well....
I must leave now to go to the potty.

Ahh, so friday night I went to Tylers to be ignored completely. but fortunalty Lance called me and we talked for quite a while, then I left really early and went to his house and played video games and we (me, lance , haley) went for a very long walk. but it made me feel better. Then I talked to Tyler when I got home later that night and we kinda worked things out. Then I went to his house on saturday night, and lance came up with me for a bit, which was good, kinda smoothed things out to begin with. And after Lance left things were much better, it was almost like normal, but not. it was dealable though. So things are starting to look up. thank god. And Lance is really helping me.
Anyway, I had to work on saturday, and we were so dead, that I cleaned out my purse, but not only cleaned it, I had to vacuum it out. So now I have a clean purse.
I just discovered that if you press Ctrl + s then it automatically posts whatever you've written.....
more importantly, my boss is knocked up. and when she's pregnant she's hardly there, and she 's happy!!! wahoo!@!
and even better, my computer is fixed, and I'm getting back in a few days! I get my msn back!!!!!

GAH! these people around me are really loud and annoying!

ahh. apple sause, gotta love it....
I love only having 2 classes a day, so much less stress!!! I also love how in grade 12, you don't get subsitutes, your class just gets cancelled. So I've finished 1 essay, and only 3 more to go!!
So I got my flu shot yesterday. it went well except for the fat that my doctor decided to stab me almost in my shoulder bone. So now I have a huge blue and red swollen bruise. But it looks like I got stabbed 7 times, because of the red speckles. Oh well, it doesn't hurt that much, and only one guy punched me in that arm today, and not very hard at that. speaking of needles, my doctor tried to take blood yesterday, but because last time we tried it wouldn't work because my vien had calloused from them taking blood every month. so this time we thought that we'd be smart and take blood from the other arm, but to our dismay, and my pain, we discovered after shoving the neddle around in my vien, and stabbing then re-stabbing in the same spot in my vien, that apparently that arm doesn't have any blood in it.... ahhh....
Moving on to the rest of my life....
Things with Tyler aren't going as well as it used to be. But what do you expect after 9 and a hald months. plus we're both stressed as ever. but still...it also doesn't help that I'm a jealous fiend. I hate being jealous, and no matter how many times I tell myself that he loves me, it just doesn't work. espically when I go over and he only talks to her the whole night. I just feel really un-needed/un wanted. Like he doesn't areally care if I'm there or not. BLAH.,it sucks. plus he refuses to talk about anything. espically if it has to do with his feelings. He won't even say anything about our relationship. I wish he would, so that I would have some idea as to what he's thinking, feeling. it's gotten to a point that we don't even have anything to talk about. I just don't know. This is hard, because I'm so busy with school. And he is always with her. I just don't know where we stand anymore. I don't want to break up with him, cause I still love him. but he isn't taking any initive to do anything about it. I don't know. I guess I'm particely upset that he doesn't spend as much time with me as he used to, and the fact that it just doesn't matter to him whether or not he sees me or talks to me. but yet he spends all his time with her. I hate being at home. So I guess it wouldn't matter to me as much if I had other people to hang out with more, but I don't really. I still hang out with Charly alot, and now I'm starting to hang out with Lance more and more. which is alot of fun. We always have a great time together. Plus me and this guy who I haven't seen in quite a while are trying to hang out, but we can't seem to get ahold of eachother. which sucks, cause he's a cool guy, and I'd like to get to know him better. (not in a sexual way, although I did have a crush on him last year) But I guess I should buckle down and do more work, cause theres no shortage of it. But I can't seem to do my work at home. I just sleep all the time. I'm trying to rack my brain of things that me and Tyler can do, or talk about or something, that would be interesting. I just kinda feel that I'm not any fun anymore. Which I know isn't ture cause I have tons of fun with other people. but its hard to pretend to be all fun and happy, when I'm not. when i'm furiously jealous of her. I mean I like her, and she's great. but he pays way more attention to her, and brightens up around her. It's just kinda hard.
but anyway, charly has been really great through all this and his own stuff.
God I hate the holidays.....it probably also doesn't help that their screwing around with my meds. god damn mood swings.
Even things with my dad are screwy. He keeps talking to my mum, and trying to sweet talk her. Like she's ever going to back to him. What a jerk.
oh well, Life goes on. eventually my essays will be done, eventually the newness of tyler's and her's friendship will wear off, hopefully /probably mine and tylers relationship will be fine, because we both love eachother and we both know it, plus niether one of us wants to lose the other, eventually I'll see my buddy and hopefully we'll become friends, eventually around january or maybe later depending on what they decide to do with my meds, my meds will be working, eventually my dad will realize that he has no chance of getting into my mum's pants, and will retreat to a monthly phone call. soon my sister's leg will heal fully, and then we can go back to being friends, instead of a resentful servant and a crancky master. some day my dr adn I will figure out which arm has blood in it on the right day, ....
But for now, I'm gointo go back to school and work on an essay, conitnue giving charly adn lance lots of hugs, and trying to remember that tyler loves me, and he just needs some time to deal with his shit, and nothing is wrong with us. but mainly, I'm going to try and remember that just because I have crappy, duo coloured hair, and no time for make up let alone laundry, that it doesn't matter what I look/smell like (thankfully I still have time for daily showers!) that Charlys new puppy, Jessie, will still love me....