"she looked into his eyes and felt as though she could fall into them, they seemed as deep as wells...."
and people actually read this crap?!?, man i need something to do, i need to get my mind away from everything.
it *smack* needs *smack* to *smack* stop *smack* thinking!* smack*
where the hell is the remote? ah, now sometime for some good old Will and Grace.
"You break my heart into a thousand peices, and you say its because I deserve better?!?"
*groans*
theres no getting away from it!
And by 'it' I mean of course romance! it claims to exist, but i've yet to see it! and because of its constent existence in the media, it's hard to escape. Teen movies, full of romance. you could mop it up. and they always have the same damn plot line. they're so full of things that everyone wished happened, but never will. the sweetness, and how they all just 'click'.

some people called maddison a pessimest, but she felt herself to be more like a realalist.
her friends were always dragging her to see these romantic movies, and then she would dream up all these wonderful dreams. But she was always bitterly disapointed. Maybe her mother had reason telling her as a child not to get her hopes up. Deep inside she was still a hopeless romantic. No matter how much she wanted to believe that the world was a horrible place, that she could do it all, without help. She couldnt not get her hopes up, even after years of practising. Years of disapointment. After her father failing to show up at her graduation, then doing the exact same thing the next year to her younger sister, Maddison swore that she would never depend on others again. She felt that if she was constantly suspusious, and if she told her self that it would never happen, that she wouldnt get hurt anymore. she could only convince others of this. She could convince anyone that she didnt need them. And she partially always expected to get hurt. its hard to tame emotions.
She had the tough chick persona played down so well that she could half way convince herself that she was being true. Every time that she met someone, she doubted that they really liked her. At first glace it seems nothing but a case of lack of self esteem. and maybe it was, but it had a better chance that it was the old message that if you dont get your hopes up then you've got no reason to fall. She would spend hours on end analysing everything about herself. Trying to understand what made her tick. Trying the impossible, to better understand people in general. She never quite wanted to believe the old message. there was always that secret hope that maybe they really did like her. She would play that they relaly did like her, but either way she could never quite figure it out. She would analyse everything they did, as though how they said goodbye on MSN would let her in on some huge secret.

**************damn you blogger!!!! deleted the rest of what i wrote!!!!!!********************

help im being held captive at my consious house....well my out of body consious. ....haha i tricked him!!!!
anyway, so very fustrated!!!! damn you allie!!! not beiung able to come camping!!!!
now i have to find 4 bloddy people!!!!!!
thats it im bring cheese men!
we'll name them, maddison, toby, cody, tlyer.
hahaha
damn im screwed
and all because im anti scoial!
well at least people find my stress funny
damn it!!!!

"the world is full of stupid, so i'll keep the pistols, and you keep the pesos"

Conastogo (thats where i was this weekend) is right in minonite country. when we pasted them on they're horse ridden buggies, i would see a little boy or girl. I really wonder what it would be like to be brought up like that. i also wonder what they tell the children about all the people in the cars that blow dust in they're faces. 'cause the kid's gotta wonder...maybe we're evil......

and im back from family camping...man it was so relaxing. all i did was sleep and read. it was great! the camp fires with my family are always the highlight of every trip. my cousins and uncle get drinking, and the stories roll...
so last night there was a blue pick-up truck that came flying past our site. now they had been doing this all day. and i mean flying. so my uncles and cousins get over there and flag 'em down, telling them that they cant be going that fast, cause theres a bunch of little kids around, and theres no way in hell that they could have stopped in time. apperntly they were some guys in they're 20's drinking. so my whole families at the end of our camp site cause the pick up truck wasnt going anywhere, it was like they were thinking about coming out and fighting us. but after about 4 minutes they left, adn my cousin shawn went and complained to the park people, cause we had theyre lience plates. so when he got back, he goes around and gathers things that could be used as weapons in case they come back. so we get the fire going and he comes back with a baseball bat, an axe, a shovel. and sets them right beside him. also within 10 feet of him were fire sticks (which are rather long and metal, and very sharp) , another axe, and countless things to throw. hes getting ready for an all-out brawl...i was laughing. and then my other cousin Jay took the baseball bat in the trailer with him when he went to bed, in case they decided to come around when we were all sleeping....
damn it was funny....
so tahts my story for the weekend.
and now im planning for my camping trip this coming weekend, but just friends like before. im so excited cause my bestfriend from forever ago, is coming! i havent seen her in ages, im so happy!!!
we're not going back to foamy darlington, this time i think that we're going to go to Emily....i cant wait, it will be a ton of fun!
well my dinner is ready
so thats all for now, as im going ove rto charlys after....

"Any tool is a weapon if you hold it right"

here you go charly. a post, just for you!
well lets see, finished math. oh yeah! i was to lazy to go see what my mark was. opps. meh.
and im going CAMPING today. funfunfunfunfunf. its my family's annual family camping trip. but my annoying sisters wont be here! oh yeah! i get all my cousins attention!! o_0
and i get to ride in fast cars! wohaho.
gotta love the weird noises. man i've been having some really weird dreams/nightmares lately. really weird. but i wont get into them. i dont want to give away my plans to take over the world using vegtables. damn i said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud.
don't really have a ton of anything to say, so i could pointlessly ramble on and on for about another 3 minutes. i could talk about elves and faeries, and grey dotted lines. and who could forget the hooks and chains.....
but instead i will let you all continue peacefully on with your day

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."

so now i will actually know if anyone reads this anymore

so lets see what renee can ramble on about here today. well summer school is easy ass!
" hey bitch, i hear you got a beef with my girl"-julie

umm what else to say. im actually 3rd in my class, so im finally on of the smart kids!! oh yeah, but its not all what its cracked up to be. i always thought that itd be so great to be smart, but i dont see what the big deal is. i mean i dont have a new and improved self worth.i finish my work before most people and then i have all this time with nothing to do. so i get really bored and think up all this crazy shit. yesterday i decided that my class should be a zoo, and i went through my class and gave everyone an animal that they resembled. then i drew corresponding pictures. if i had a scaner i would show you. assuming that there still is a 'you'. im not sure if anyone reads this anymore. oh well.
i've been really busy lately. but ive been having fun. being busy isnt always a bad thing.
still my gutair gently weeps....when i have stuff to say but cant think of the words to put them in, i write the first thing i hear. which would explain why so many of my posts have lyrics.
oh yeah i remember why i was going to post orginally. today i took a nap when i got home. i had a really strange dream. i can only remember parts of it, but it was like everything wasnt clear. like everything had a fog around it. it wasnt the feeling when your head feels foggy. it was like when it gets foggy here early in the morning and you cant see anything around you. it feels like your in a dome. i like it then, because then it really feels like were just puppets in a snow dome. but back to my dream, everything was really misty and unclear. and everything was on a major tilt. i remeber i was trying to pick up some of my hair elestics that i had dropped. it was really hard, and when i thought that i had gotten mine, i was suddenly in my sisters room and i had grasped $260. it was 2 $50's 1 $100, and a ten. i remember that because the 50's and the 100 looked the same but one obviously had 100 written on it.
it wasnt really an interesting dream, mostly because i cant tell you how stuff happened after wards. i know what happened but its hard to describe, mostly because i dont really remember them in chronological order.
but i really hate that feeling of not being in control. its not the drunken/ stoned feeling of being out of control, its the inability to control your body. its the you know what you want to do but your body just wont let you. so heres a key note to anyone: if i ever become paralyzed, kill me. i guess its not the feeling of being out of control, its the helpless feeling... i dunno when i feel how i did in my dream i feel crazy, like its some war between what i want and what im actually saying/doing/unable to do.
wow this has been my longest post in a long time. how about that.
to lift me up on high, i never asked you why.....go fuck yourself, you might as well...
well im off to write about a village of elves.

"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

heres some lyrics that i really like so im going to post them here as well.

americain dreamgirl
joydrop

Hey mister music
With all your allusions
Your forgone conclusions
Your grand delusions

Hey mister music
My name's not honey
Don't call me dear
My eyes are up here

I am not your American Dream, your American Dream
I am not your American Dream, your American Dream

Hey mister music
The life of the party
Where everyone's pretty
And everyone's easy

I am not your American Dream, your American Dream
I am not your American Dream, your American Dreamgirl

Beautiful, wasted
Surrounded by the world that made us
Plastic and wanted
Subscribing to your airbrushed magazines
Filled with American Dreamgirls

I won't be silenced
By your small minded validation
Your silicone creation
Rock'n'roll masturbation

Which Black Daisies character are you?

hey hey again its been so long since i posted last... im not sure why i guess because it had been such a long time tbat i didnt really feel a part of it anymore... but i have retured for a period of time at least. im here for two weeks before i leave again. thats the story of my life. well its good to be back in familiar ajax for a while. its weird i hadnt talked to a lot of people for a long time. i didnt disappear of the face of the planet. imagine if i did that would be quite strange.
anyway so ive been off to camp for aweek than directly to bc, but i got home this morning from flying through saturday night. many adventures. but i wont retell them unless im asks specificallt as no one who reads this blog(do people still read it) would be able to identify. Well i gues i could go into talking about movies. thats always an easy topic to voice an opinion or promote without people getting angry. A movie that i have really enjoyed in the last month( ive rented even more than once) is called "Waking life" its an independent film so im not siure how many are familiar with the name. Any way its a wicked film. The whole thing is animated but there were real actors. the director filmed a whole bunch of conversations with real people then animators painted over them... its kinda hard to describe so if your curious rent it. Its aboiut dreams iand reality. ITs a thinking movie but its so cool. It has a lot of post modernism and very philisophical. I will i could retell all the cool things that were said in the movie but there are so many. So i highly recommend it. i havent really been around many of the same people as everyone from ajax has been so i dont really have any blurbs or rants about recent events or issues with people but as i go out and hang out with people hopefully ill have something more insightful to say, anyway i think im off....

whats with "the rock" now? i miss doc but apparently it sucks this summer *sigh* i guess i have to give into the change of environment
peace

You are Violencia. You are a strong person, both in personality and physicality, who isn't afraid to let your friends and partners know exactly what you wants, and that you'll probably have your way. There is no bullshitting about you, you go right for the prize whatever the prize might be. You're dominating in relationships, you probably initiate wanton acts of sexual carnage and you're open about it all. "On your knees, bitch" is probably a phrase you use regularly.

Take the Which Black Daisies Character Are you Quiz?

hahahhahaha

mine and charly's meeting with some strange people at do'c on our way home
guy"hey fruitloop"
me"yeah"
him" do you give head?"
me "excuse me?"
him " not for me, my friend wants to know" (yeah ok which 'friend')
me " do you give head?"
him "*very very appaled* no, but i let girls give me head"
him "is he *meaning charly* your boyfriend?"
me "no"
him " *not very loudly* i could take him anyway"
him "wanna come smoke a spilf?"
me "no"
him " why not?"
me " cause i gotta go home soon" (that was a lie. i just didnt want to)
him "oh"
him "wanna go out for dinner?"
me "yeah ok *real scarastic*)
him "no really where do you want to go?"
me "no"
**gets boring for 5 minutes, our conversation isnt worth repeting**
me and charly get off the swings to leave
him "where are you going? your cool"
chick sitting there "i like your shoes!"

and taht was our convo. hope you enjoyed. made mine and charlys night.

alright so today me and nick braved melting in the heat, and went downtown. i got my hair dye, except they didnt have purple so i got blue instead. it looks pretty good. had us a nice straw fight on the way back. and now im pondering weather i should walk up to loblaws to get some flim devoloped. well thats my news for today, and how interesting it was.